


Vengeful Times At Barrington High

by Panic4Panic



Category: Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, Gym Class Heroes, Hush Sound, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, The Academy Is...
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Attempted Murder, Child Neglect, Confusion, Depressing, Eating Disorders, F/M, Light Dom/sub, Love, M/M, Makeup Sex, Making Love, Multi, Revenge, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Harm, Sexual Confusion, There will be a sequel, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 11:32:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5965813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panic4Panic/pseuds/Panic4Panic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Williams third year of high school and so far he's had the best of times with his boyfriend Ryan and all of his pals at Barrington High but what will happen when William is betrayed by someone close to him? He is faced with a difficult decision: forgive and forget or, get his revenge...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. August

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Forkghosts (Faerirye)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faerirye/gifts).



"William you better get up or you're going to be late." A chipper voice called from across the room. William rolled over in bed groaning when he came face to face with his best friend Gabe who happened to be sitting in the middle of his bed. Meaning that _Gabe was in William's house,_ William by all means was not happy about this.

"How did you get in my house the doors are locked and you don't have a key." William quizzed sliding his upper half out of the blanket.

"Climbed into your unlocked window." Gabe said with a shrugged. William's eyebrows shot up to his hairline as he propped himself up with an elbow resulting in the blanket he was wrapped in to fall further almost to his waist. Gabe gawked silently.

"Hey I just realized something, school doesn't start until tomorrow Gabe, why the hell did you wake me up for nothing?" Gabe felt a light blush creeping onto his tan skin as he bit the inside of his cheek.

"Gotta be prepared, tomorrow's a new day." He smiled optimistically

"Yeah well." William scoffed pushing his very long and untamed hair out of his face.

"New day new regrets, different year same mistakes." He snapped with his face contorting into a tight frown. Gabe blushed darker and ducked his head down in embarrassment.

"W-well besides that the guys wanted to hang out before school started we were all planning to go to the diner down the street from Travie's house." The tan boy stuttered fiddling with his hands.

"Fine, get out." William said as he sat up with bed with an expectant look on his face.

"W-what."

"Get out of my room so I can get changed I'm not wearing anything besides boxer short right now." William chuckled getting out of bed. Gabe let out a little squeak and quickly exited the room. After Gabe had left the tall lanky boy stumbled towards the bathroom with fresh clothes in hand before entering the shower.

After getting out of the shower William tightly wrapped a towel around his waist and walked downstairs to grab his hairbrush out of the living room where he had left it the day before.

"William!" Gabe shouted with wide eyes before he turned his head away as quick as a whip.

"W-what?" William stuttered clutching the small hairbrush to his chest like it could protect him. Gabe covered his eyes despite him still facing away from William.

"Go put on clothes dude, I don't want to  
see you without shirt on ever again!" He yelled like a child that saw their parents kiss.

"O-Oh... it'll never happen again, sorry bro." William whispered shyly as he cautiously glided out of the room. The pale boy stepped into his room quietly shutting the door and making his way over to the large mirror on the wall.

William began brushing his tangled hair softly, deeply frowning at the reflection that was looking back at him. _Fat_. He thought to himself as he skimmed a hand over his stomach. Despite what he thought William was actually very skinny, too skinny to be healthy as a matter of fact. The 17 year old limited himself to one meal a day which was usually just an apple or half of a turkey and cheese sandwich. His stomach often burned in hunger every time he even thought about food let alone smelled it but William couldn't bring himself to eat all of that. _All of the fat, the sugar, the carbs... It ruins you._ His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat and the pathetic teen slumped down onto his bed with his head in his hands.

"I'm disgusting." He sobbed wrapping his arms around himself to offset the terrible tremor that was shaking his body. William's fingertips tiptoed across his ribs and downwards to his bony hips where his nails dug into the pale skin creating bruises. After wallowing in self hatred the thin boy tugged a gray shirt over his head and some tight black jeans before he walked back downstairs.

"Whatcha watching?" William quizzed in a small voice, barely above a whisper. Gabe quickly turned around to look at him with deep concern but covered up with a faulty smile before William noticed, or so he thought.

_William would hold that look close..._

**********

"William get up it's time for school!" An angry voice shouted from the doorway of his room.

 _What's with people yelling at me in the morning lately?_ William thought to himself as he wandered into the kitchen

"You look terrible is that what you're wearing to school?" His mother sneered from the table, William hung his head low and twisted his fingers into the hem of his shirt.

"W-well yeah... I think I look okay." He stuttered nervously, his mother hated it when he mouthed off to her.

"Yeah well you look awful no wonder why everyone hates you, I mean besides the fact that you like boys." She laughed in a sour tone, one that would be described as satanic rather than motherly.

"T-too bad I can wear what I want y-you may be my parent but you can't control my life!" William cried in a defensive voice. He couldn't look that bad Ryna had just complimented him yesterday, he surely wouldn't lie to William right? Before the teen could over stress his mother's hand came up out of nowhere and struck him across the face before it pulled his hair until he was eye level with the heartless woman.

"You're going to pay for that smart ass mouth you have there when you come home today now get out of my house and don't think about catching the bus either I want you to walk to school." She growled throwing his backpack at him after pushing him out the door. William tumbled onto the blistering asphalt of his driveway earning a bit of road burn on his arms and legs as he fell. He knew that he would already be late if he didn't walk fast so he didn't bother cleaning himself up before heading to school

  
**********  
"What happened to you?"

"Shut the hell up Gabe." William mumbled under his breath trudging past his friend with a metaphorical storm cloud hanging over his head.

Now that he was at school people were giving him disturbed glances as the watched him walk by and they had good reason to do so-his hair was all tangled and his road burn had started bleeding, the crimson liquid smeared and stippled all over all unlucky boy. William could feel tears pooling in his eyelids as he walked to class. _He was totally going to be that loser that cries on the first day of school._ Somehow he managed to get to his first period class on time and without crying at that. The tall boy shuffled towards an empty seat when he realized that it had been taken by none other than his boyfriend. A large smile spread across William's face as he approached him.

"Hey Ryro." William greeted in a happy voice, Ryan turned around with a big smile on his face quickly frowning when he saw the condition William was in.

"Oh my god William what happened to you?!?" Ryan exclaimed as he ran towards the injured boy. William could feel his knees give out when Ryan wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug quickly asking their teacher if he could take William out for a moment.

"Who did this to you?" Ryan asked in a concerned manner. William avoided his gaze eyes, light brown eyes fixed on the bathroom wall as a single tear escaped.

_Damn it._

"I did, I fell and hurt myself." William choked looking up at the ceiling. He felt bad for semi lying to Ryan about what had happened that morning but technically he did fall and hurt himself even if it was his mother that had caused him to fall.

"William you know I don't believe that for a second, stop trying to push me away." Ryan murmured taking hold of his boyfriend's hand, William shivered and shoved his face into Ryan's chest sobbing heavily as the kind boy held him.

"Why can't I be happy Ryan?! Just when I think I could get better it all just gets worse!" William cried tears rapidly sliding down his cheeks and onto his boyfriend's shirt. Ryan held him comfortingly softly kissing his forehead and behind his ear.

Eventually William managed to get slight control over himself sniffling as he stood upright, Ryan looked at him with loving eyes softly kissing his lips.

"I love you Bilvy, I know life has been hard for you but please just take better care of yourself...I hate to see you hurt." Ryan whispered his voice cracking a few times. William smiled and hugged his boyfriend returning a kiss to the handsome boy.

"Oh my gosh Ryan, sometimes I don't know how I'll ever thank you." William said kissing up his neck.

"Just keep being you Bilvy." Ryan said smiling so genuinely that William wanted to cry again, instead he hugged the other boy one last time before they went back to class.

**********

Despite how the day had started off William was pretty happy while he was walking home. After they had went back to class Ryan had held William's hand all day, even during lunch which was something risky to do at Barrington High. Afterwards Ryan even kissed William in the hallway as all of his friends walked by,something he never did. Even though Ryan was very loving William knew that he was embarrassed to be around him. It was only a matter of time before Ryan came to his senses and found someone new, William was just a rebound, he wasn't meant to be taken care of or respected or at least that's what everyone told him. At the end of the day Ryan decided that he would take William home so he didn't have to walk by himself which made William nervous but Ryan had demanded he do so. As the two made it up to the front porch they could hear William's mother screaming from inside, Ryan looked at his boyfriend with deep concern insisting that he come inside.

"Ryan it's fine really, just go home." William pleaded hugging himself anxiously, Ryan frowned and grabbed his hand.

"William just let me come inside please, I know you're not safe in there!" Ryan pleaded searching his lover's eyes for something he didn't know, something he couldn't, and would never know if William could help it.

"No Ryan I'm fine! I can take care of myself!" The tall boy stomped his foot like a child and ripped his hand out of his boyfriend's gentle grasp. Ryan looked at William in shock his eyes welling up with tears before he stood up straight.

"...Your mom hits you doesn't she?" Ryan whispered watching a few of his own tears hit the late summer pavement. William stepped back his eyes widening in shock.

_How does he know?_

"Go home Ryan." William muttered trying to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat. Ryan lifted his head showing William the damage he was causing. Ryan was flushed, eyes misty and tired from nights he stayed up worrying about William. His lips were pink from the anxious biting and the sides of his hair were thinning from the nervous breakdowns he had oh so often. William choked back a sob running a hand down his face to wipe away the approaching tears.

"Why do you push me away William! I love you! Why won't you let me just love you!" Ryan screamed falling to his knees in a moment of weakness. He wrapped his arms around William's knees shaking against his leg as he screamed for forgiveness, for a sign, for love. William fell back on the front yard tears making their appearance as he tried to kick out of Ryan's grasp.

"Let go of me! For god's sake get a hold of yourself Ryan!" He shouted shoving the upset boy ferociously. Ryan stood up and scowled tears still leaking from his eyes.

"No you get a hold of yourself William! Look at you, you're tearing yourself apart and you don't even care! You don't care about anyone not you, not me...not us." Ryan exclaimed.

"I've given up so much for you William and I have no problem doing so...but why do I keep trying when I know that it's never going to be enough for you...no matter how much I fight for you you'll never trust me, never stop pushing me away...never love me." Ryan whispered in a painfully small voice. William slowly got to his feet trying not to further upset Ryan.

"Ryan I do love you." William said his voice cracking in despair.

"If you loved me you would've given me a sign by now William! Where's my sign huh? As soon as I kiss you, you run off, if I hug you in public you put your head down so people can't see, and when I try to help you just push me away!"

"Oh so now I'm the bad guy?"

"No stop putting words in my mouth! You're the one that's making me seem like the bad guy when I'm not doing anything wrong!"

"You're the one that's embarrassed to be gay Ryan!" William yelled face to face with his boyfriend. The the scene had grown silent and the air hostile as Ryan glowered at William before he brought his fist upwards and punch the tall boy right across the face sending him backwards a few steps as he held his jaw.

"I'm happy with the way I am... and I'm not the one who can't accept who they are, that's you William." Ryan stated bitterly before turning on his heels and walking down the street.


	2. September

"Damn William you're starting off the year rough." Sisky sighed as William told him the story of what had happened when Ryan tried to walk him home while they sat on the front steps of the school. Ever since that day William had been avoiding his lover like he was the plague, ducking his head in class and running out of the room as soon as the bell rang. Even though his bruises had healed for the most part he was still in pain, emotional pain. Ryan had been calling and texting him every single day but William had sent him to voicemail or ignored him almost without fail. He could tell it was bothering Ryan but what was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say?

"He's going to break up with me Sisky, I know it...I just know it." William murmured as his friend helped him cover up the fading bruise he had under his eye from where Ryan had punched him. William wished that he could just hide, just crawl into the sewers near O'Hare and never return.

"He's going to break up with you if you keep ignoring him William. Ryan doesn't have it as bad as you but you know that he has a tough time at home too, it's not fair to treat him like this." Sisky scolded softly as he untangled the knots in William's hair.

"Hey who's side are you on Sisky?" William quizzed turning his head to look at his older, and much wiser friend. Adam (which was his real name) was only a grade ahead of him just like some of his other friends but he just had an overall perception on life that not many people could grasp at his age. He came from a well rounded family, not too rich but not poor either. He played soccer and was in the a whole bunch of clubs at school so everyone liked him. He was a nice person with straight A's who stayed away from drugs and alcohol, he had no criminal record and no disorders. William was envious of him sometimes.

"I'm not picking a side because I'm friends with you both. Ryan needs to learn that you have trust issues and you need to stop pushing him away before you lose him." Sisky replied stoutly.

"Hey! I do not have trust issues!" William exclaimed

"Then why do you lie to us about your mom abusing you?"

"Why does everyone think that, my mom is meaner than the devil himself but she doesn't hit me!"

"...William you know that's a bullshit lie, we see the bruises."

"I'm clumsy!"

"You're a liar is what you are."

"Sisky!" William whined crossing his arms over his chest.

"Don't you 'Sisky' me, you know damn well how obvious it is William. For crying out loud we're you're friends we know you like nobody else and we can tell when something's wrong now stop lying!" Adam reproved harshly, flicking William on the ear just like a parent would.

"Ow! Okay okay you're right! How many of you guys know?" William huffed dramatically.

"Just me and Ryan although Gabe is beginning to catch on." Sisky sighed getting up off of the step he was perched on.

"Well don't tell him."

"Are you planning on telling him?"

"Yeah..."

"And when exactly are you planning on doing this?"

"... I don't know."

"You've got a month."

"A month!" William cried nearly falling off of the step he was sitting on.

"Yeah, if you don't tell him by October 3rd I will, and while you're at it you need to talk to Ryan before he loses his damn mind." Sisky commanded.

"Now come on before we're late to class."

**********

William had almost fallen asleep in Pre Calc. this morning; between the alluring smell of the cafeteria and the burn of starvation he had been feeling it was probably for the best anyway. Lately he hadn't even eaten his one meal that he usually ate. Sure, he was hungry, but this whole Ryan endeavour was just destroying the little appetite that he once had; William was shutting down... _fast._

"Hey! Hey William I need to talk to you!" A frantic voice called from the back of the room as the bell rang. William quickly gathered his things and attempted to rush out of the room. The anxious boy could hear fast paced footsteps chasing after him. He turned the corner and sprinted towards the courtyard chest heaving with exhaustion. Just as he thought he was out of harm's way the pursuer grabbed onto his wrist and pulled him close.

"Stop running away from your problems William!" The voice shouted feverently. The tall boy turned around and gasped when he saw his boyfriend furiously gazing into his eyes.

"What do you want Ryan." William whispered hanging his head in shame.

"We need to talk."

"Talk about what!" William exclaimed pulling away from Ryan per usual."

"You know what, stop playing games with me! Why are you ignoring me William? What did I do?!" Ryan shouted, frustrated tears cascading down his face.

"You fucking hit me why wouldn't I ignore you?!"

"I punched you because you deserved it, you were being a jerk for no reason!"

"I said the truth!" William screamed taking a hostile step towards Ryan.

"Oh so now you decided to stop lying all of a sudden? You don't know anything about me William! I had thought so but I guess I was wrong as always." Ryan shot back his voice weakening at the end.

"And you know so much about me don't you?" William snarled.

"You're 6'2, your favorite color is gray, you don't like tomatoes, your birthday is February 11th, you're bisexual, partially lactose intolerant, you have depression, anxiety, you're mother abuses you, and you starve yourself." Ryan rattled of counting the facts on his fingers. William's muscles stiffened and his pupils dilated at the spoken truth. The boy swayed on his feet knees buckling and heart stuttering as he fell to the ground.

"William!" Ryan cried running to aid his dear lover. William's eyes became all too heavy and he drifted out of consciousness, out of the world that haunted him.

**********

"Is he even going to wake up?!" Gabe cried holding onto Ryan's sobbing form. William had passed out prior to the argument that he and Ryan had at school. An ambulance was called and Ryan had begged to go along for the ride but was denied. By the time the situation had been properly dealt with the school day had come to a close and Ryan was unable to drive himself home so Gabe offered to do the job.

"What did you say to him?" Gabe shouted furiously.

"I-I can't say, Sisky told me not to."

"Adam Sisky can fight me! You better tell me what happened!" The tan boy threatened gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"Or what Gabe? Beat me up? Call me worthless? It's nothing I haven't heard at home!" Ryan sobbed as the car came to a stop in front of his house. The distressed teen swung the car door open and ran to his front door wiping away his tears with his fingertips.

"Wait Ryan come back! Dude I'm sorry, I didn't know!" Gabe yelled sticking his arm out of the car window.

"Drop dead Saporta!" Ryan screamed slamming the door behind him

**********

Never would Ryan have thought that he would be such a wreck without William. He had thought that William was the needy one, the dependent one but now that he was gone Ryan realized that he was the one that couldn't function without his lover. William had since waken up from his period of unconsciousness but he was still too weak to go home so he would be staying at the hospital for a few weeks until he got his body weight up. It's been two weeks so far and a tough two weeks at that. Ryan had become so lost so fast, he didn't answer his phone, barely ate (but still more than William used to), and had recently taken a liking to alcohol. His parents would be furious if they found out but he didn't really care, he was already a disappointment to them.

Ryan began to cry as he waited for a friend to come pick him up. He had crashed his car the day after William was admitted to the hospital and he's honestly lucky he's alive. He wasn't even drunk that time, just really upset however, now he really was drunk which was kind of ironic considering his friend Gerard was coming to pick him up to bring him to a bar. At least it was a friday night.

"Hey Ry you in there?" Someone called from the kitchen. Ryan glided towards the voice grabbing his jacket from the hall as he went.

"Ready to go have some fun?" Gerard laughed tossing the ends of his black hair behind his shoulder. Ryan faked a smile through his drunkenness and followed his "friend" towards his car.

"Know anyone else that's coming?" Ryan quizzed as the two pulled out of his driveway.

"Uh, Ian, Brendon, Frank, Travie, Mikey, Ray, and Sisky but he's not drinking." Gerard replied as they hit a red light.

"What about Gabe?"

"Not coming."

"Why not."

"He's mad at you."

"Mad at me for what?!" Ryan exclaimed startling Gerard in the process.

"He said that it's your fault William is sick." Gerard said nonchalantly as they pulled into the parking lot of the bar.

Are you kidding me!?!" Ryan shouted punching the dashboard of the car. Gerard jumped staring at Ryan in shock as he fumed about the rumors that were being spread.

"What the hell does Gabe know?!? He's just jealous because he's in love with William and he and I are dating!" Ryan screamed.

"Alright well you can fight him later let's go inside though, everyone else is waiting for us." Gerard suggested slowly opening his door, Ryan exhaled in annoyance but followed.

"Hiya guys!" An energetic voice greeted as they walked in. Gerard laughed and ran towards the sound leaving Ryan over at the bar stools.

**********

"So you're Ryan right?" An unfamiliar voice chimed from next to the tired boy. Ryan turned his head slowly to look at the stranger. He came face to face with a young boy. Younger than Ryan and definitely _way too young to be at a bar_. He had choppy brown hair, almost black in the dim club lights and large chocolate brown eyes.

"Uh yeah, who are you again?" Ryan quizzed, the younger boy smirked and propped his elbows up on the speedway leaning in close.

"I'm Brendon." He gusted out in a low tone.

"So you are." Ryan retorted shuffling his chair a few inches away.

"You want a drink, I'll pay." Brendon whispered leaning back in.

_Ryan couldn't argue with free alcohol._

**********

Ryan really hated hangovers, like _really hated them_. Especially when he spent them with someone else. He just wanted to curl up in the blankets and go back to sleep but he couldn't tell if he was at his house or not. Maybe he was at Gerard's, or some stranger's. All he knew was that his throat was dry and he was probably going to throw up in a couple minutes by the way his stomach was churning.

"Oh good you're finally awake, I made breakfast." A _non hungover_ voice chuckled from the doorway. Ryan scrambled upright in seconds standing up to reveal the stranger's identity. The teen felt like a moron when he realized that it was that kid Brendon.

"Oh it's just _you_." Ryan mumbled as his brain pounded against his skull.

"I've been waiting for you to get up, here take these." Brendon smiled handing Ryan two aspirin tablets and a glass of water. Ryan took the offerings hesitantly and nodded thankfully.

"Alright well I'll be waiting for you to come out." Brendon said biting his lips while he gazed at Ryan. The older boy furrowed his eyebrows and cocked his head to the side.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Oh, no reason...Just...you might want to put some clothes on." Brendon grinned deviously before exiting the room. Ryan gasped and looked down out himself in horror.

_He cheated! He cheated on William!_


	3. October

"Wait a second you did what?!” Sisky cried staring at Ryan with a stunned expression. Ryan rubbed his arm shamefully and sighed kicking a rock across his porch.

“Can I come in first?” Ryan murmured as he stepped forward. Sisky nodded and opened the door to him.

“So what’s going on Ry?” The embarrassed teen felt his face heat up and a knot form in his throat as he prepared to speak, to confess.

“...I-I...I cheated.” He stammered. Sisky smiled and patted Ryan on the back.

“Oh...Dude it’s okay it was one test, just don’t do it again.” The older boy laughed. Ryan flushed a deeper pink and curled in on himself.

_He was so screwed._

“N-no I...I cheated in my relationship...I cheated on William.” The ashamed boy whispered. Adam took a step back looking at Ryan with mild disgust.

“Ryan how could you do that? Do you know how much William loves you, how much this is going to crush him when he gets back?” Adam hissed disappointment swirling throughout his voice.

“I didn’t mean to! I was so lost without him that I just forgot how to live, I didn’t even willingly cheat on him! That Brendon kid paid for my drink, he must have gotten me drunk and brought me home with him because I don’t remember a thing!” Ryan cried holding himself so tight that his knuckles became white. Sisky walked over and put the boy’s hands to his sides sitting them both down on the couch.

“It’s okay Ryan just tell me the whole story.” Sisky prodded thoughtfully. The latter took in a shaky breath and held onto his older friend reliving the events of the weekend.

“Well I had been drowning myself in alcohol then,I mean really drowning in it and Gerard had asked me to go to the bar with him. I thought we would just be hanging out and thought that since I had been getting drunk all the time I might as well get drunk with my “friends” so we left. When we got there apparently everyone was there.”

“Yeah I was there too.” Adam interjected.

“Yeah, everyone was there, everyone except Gabe. Apparently William’s misfortunes are all because of me according to him...Anyway, Gerard ended up going off without me so I just sat at the bar by myself when someone came and sat beside me. Of course it was Brendon, he was getting in my space and I tried to turn down his advances but he offered me drinks and I was too much of a wreck to deny him. I don’t remember anything else from that night...I just woke up the next day and he was looking at me, he looked at me like a was an object... _Like I was a useless toy.”_

“Ryro I’m so sorry!” Adam exclaimed hugging the distressed boy.

“William’s going to kill me when he gets back! He already doesn’t like me anymore but now he’s going to hate me!” Ryan cried putting his face in his hands. Sisky sighed and patted the boy on the back.

“Ryan he loves you!”

“No he doesn’t Adam! He hates me, no matter what I do he always pushes me away! I’ve driven myself insane trying to figure out what I can do and nothing’s working!”

“You have to give him space Ryan, let him work his life out on his own y’know?”

“He can’t Adam! He can’t do it alone! I love him and I know he’s strong but he needs help and so far no one else is giving him a second glance!” Adam stopped and stared at Ryan finally realizing how much he really did care for his boyfriend.

“Wow Ry...I’m sorry, you really do care about him huh?”

“I told you...I love him.”

**********

William was finally coming back to school. He had called Ryan the night before and told him so himself. You would think that Ryan would have been rejoiceful but he was honestly downright terrified. _How was he supposed to tell him? What was he supposed to say? Of course he was going to tell the truth he just didn’t know when or where to say it._

“Hello earth to Ryan Ross.” Someone whined waving a hand in front of the terrified boy. Ryan wanted to punch the obnoxious kid, even more so when he realized that it was Brendon Urie.

“What the hell do you want?” Ryan spat shoving the sophomore away from him. Brendon made a startled expression and stepped a safe distance away.

“What do you mean what do I want? I wanted to come say hi and check on you, you left my house the other day without saying goodbye or eating anything and I was worried. It’s very rude to leave someone’s house after you slept with them without saying goodbye y’know.” Brendon explained, Ryan grimaced crossing his arms over his chest.

“I may be rude but at least I’m not objectifying anyone.” Ryan retorted angrily turning on his heels to leave.

“I’m not nor have I ever objectified anyone what are you talking about?” Brendon asked in confusion putting his hand on Ryan’s shoulder. The upperclassmen swatted him away and turned back to face him with a look of hatred.

“You objectified me Brendon! I didn’t want to sleep with you!”

“Well then why did you come home with me?!” Brendon yelled causing passersby in the hall to stop and gawk at the sight.

  
“I didn’t want to go home with you! I would’ve never agreed to it if you hadn’t gotten me drunk, this whole thing you’ve started is nonconsensual! I was saving myself for someone else not for some random underaged kid from the bar!” Ryan screamed back shoving Brendon once again. The younger boy stared back him finally realizing his mistakes.

“Who were you saving yourself for?” He whispered in defeat. Ryan looked up in shock and crossed his arms at his chest.

“My boyfriend...or ex boyfriend probably once he finds out about this.” Ryan sighed in defeat.

“Who’s your boyfriend?” Brendon quizzed once again.

_Boy was he born with curiosity._

“I am.” A cheerful voice chimed from behind the two. Both boys whipped their heads around and Ryan thought he was going to faint when he saw William standing there smiling at him.

“Oh William's your boyfriend?” Brendon asked looking as pale as a ghost.

“Yup we've been dating for a while now, did I forget to tell you Bren?” William chuckled gliding over to Ryan to plant a kiss on his cheek. Ryan plastered on a fake smile and hugged William softly.

“Hey what's the matter, you look pale Ryan and Brendon over here looks like he killed someone's cat.” William laughed again slinging an arm over Ryan’s shoulder. The older boy chuckled nervously and Brendon shrugged.

“No I'm fine...I have to get going though so I'll see you guys around...bye.” Brendon mumbled before leaving the couple alone. The two stood in a semi-comfortable silence. William turned to Ryan and smiled burying his face in the other boy’s shoulder.

“I didn't know that you and Brendon were friends.” He murmured softly. Ryan felt his heart drop into his stomach at the mention of the so called friendship.

“We’re not... “ Ryan whispered trying to take the venom out of his voice. William remained silent for a few moments gently breathing into his boyfriend’s neck.

“ _I missed you Ry.”_


	4. November

“Can you just move your leg over a little? The friction is a little weird at this angle.” William blushed with embarrassment. In that moment the two had been laying on Ryan’s bed originally with the intent of studying but obviously that wasn't the case anymore.

“Yeah that's definitely better...God way better.” William whispered happily. Ryan frowned in secret and slowed down the rolling of his hips leaning back on his knees. William looked up at him in confusion and reached for the older boy’s face tracing his jawline with his thumb.

“Hey, what's the matter do you want to do this another time?” The innocent teen quizzed quirking his head off to the side. Ryan frowned deeper and grabbed his shirt off of the end of the bed.

“No... I do trust me... It's just that I-I um.”

“You what? Are you sure you're okay Ryan you look like you're going to be sick.” Ryan wiped the beads of sweat off of his forehead and took in in a deep breath as William sat watching patiently.

“I- oh god you're going to hate me Will.” Ryan exclaimed burying his face in his hands. The younger boy put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Ryan I'm not going to hate you. Just say it.”

“Oh god... William baby... I cheated but I swear I didn't want to! I was forced to!” Ryan cried looking up to see the shocked expression on his boyfriend’s face. William got up off the bed grabbing his shirt off of the ground and quickly putting it on without saying a word.

“Bilvy please, please say something!”

“What is there to say Ryan? I knew this was going to happen!”

“What do you mean you knew this was going to happen? Did you not trust me?”

“Of course I didn't and it looks like you just proved me right! I knew I wasn't ever going to be good enough for you... “ William mumbled beginning to cry. Ryan stared at the broken boy feeling his own heartbreak as he reached out to hold him.

“William you were always enough for me! Too good for me in fact. I don't deserve you.”

“Clearly I wasn't good enough if you cheated on me Ryan!” The tall boy screamed shoving him away. William opened the door and made his way down the stairs and towards the door making sure to take off his friendship bracelet.

“Bilvy I told you I didn't want to! Someone made me!” Ryan yelled back desperately.

“Don't call me that you sick bastard! We're through!” William shouted throwing his bracelet at Ryan’s face before he slammed the door. The latter crumpled to the floor and sobbed pitifully.

He lost him.

**********

“William? Are you okay?”

“Go away Gabe... I want to die in peace.” A muffled voice griped from under a pillow.

“William stop being an idiot, for god sakes get out from under there.” William groaned as his friend walked over and snatched his beloved pillow away from him.

“Get out of my house Gabe, jeez I’m going to have to go buy a security system.” The tired boy mumbled. He hadn’t slept or eaten since the day he came back. It had only been three days since he came home and he was already back to his old habits.

“Shut up I know you’re trying to beat around the bush here, what’s going on?” Gabe pressed rolling his eyes at William’s feeble distraction.

“What’s there to know Gabriel?” William shot back.

“What’s going on with you and Ryan? What’s going on with you?” Gabe asked softly. William grew more bashful playing the the end of his shirt.

“M-me and Ryan aren’t a thing anymore...I broke up with him... “

“Oh god finally! It’s about time!” Gabe cheered clapping his hands victoriously. William felt a pang of rage knock against his heart strings but he said nothing about it.

“What do you mean it’s about time?” He whispered under his breath. Gabe chuckled and gave the boy a pat on the back before sitting down next to him.

“Forget about that, how are you feeling?” Gabe dodged skillfully. William kept his suspicions in the back of his mind but answered to his friend nevertheless.

“I’m alright I guess, I’m kind of pissed off and I don’t really know what to do with myself but I’ll be okay.”

“Well what did you say to him?” Gabe pressed on. William flushed ruby red and sighed.

“I didn’t really say much, I basically told him that his unfaithfulness had confirmed my self doubts and that we were over.”

“And that’s it?”

“What do you mean that’s it? What else was I supposed to say?” William shifted uncomfortably on his bed again and looked up at Gabe through his eyelashes. The tan boy may seem like a jerk but honestly he was one of William’s best friends.

“I don’t know... I just figured that all the things that you had said before would’ve been nothing compared to what you had said once you found out that he cheated on you. I don’t know what I’m saying but I’m proud of you for handling the situation the way you did, I would’ve kicked his ass.” Gabe shrugged.

“Ryan may be as skinny a toothpick but he’s strong Gabe, even if I wanted to kick his ass he would put me six feet under in a minute no doubt.”

“Well then I would’ve gotten revenge somehow.” William’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline at this statement...Revenge.

“I don’t think revenge is a good idea.”

“I’m not saying it’s a good idea, I’m just saying an eye for an eye.”

“An eye for an eye makes the world blind Gabriel.” William scolded. Gabe smirked devilishly.

“And that’s why you still get stepped on you pansy, look you do what you want I’m glad you handled the situation the way you did. Like I said I’m proud...I just hope Ross has learned his lesson.” With that Gabe climbed back out of William's window and left the confused teen alone to ponder his words.

I hope he has learned his lesson.

**********

William had been up all night with Gabe’s words swirling through his head. Did he really want to seek revenge? Was it the right thing to do? How was he supposed to know what to do? He was just a kid, nothing like this had ever been presented to him before.

Eventually William decided that it would be best if he just forgot about it and headed down the hall to his first period class. The tall boy continued down the quiet corridor, it had been a few minutes since the bell rang but William had to check in with the guidance counselor every morning before class so he was allowed to come in late. William turned the corner to his class in silence, pausing when he heard a noise coming from the other side of the door to the boys bathroom. Curious as to who was making the noise William glided over and turned the knob walking inside. As he quietly shut the door behind him William could hear a small amount of crying from the last stall.

“Hey you okay in there?” William asked with deep concern. The stranger choked down another sob and sniffled rapidly.

“I-I just w-want to be l-left alone, please go away.” The feeble voice cried in sorrow. William frowned and looked at the stall door realizing that it was unlocked. Slowly he pushed the door open, widening his eyes in surprise when he saw Brendon crumpled up on the floor his face stained with tears. William ran over to his younger friend and sat on the floor beside him which only caused him to cry harder.

“Brendon, Brendon what’s the matter!?” William asked in deep concern. Brendon shook the hair out of his eyes and William audibly gasped when he saw that the emotional boy had a disgusting black eye and a large gash going across his right cheek.

“Brendon what the hell happened!?” The older of the two cried embracing his friend. Brendon let out another sob and shook against William’s chest.

“I-I’m such a loser, I can’t ever do anything right unless it’s meant to destroy something important.” Brendon murmured in defeat.

“You’re not a loser, you’re an amazing person Brendon.” William defended. Brendon shook his head and sighed.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what I knew...what I did.” The younger boy whispered under his breath. William quirked an eyebrow.

“Are you acting this way because of Ian, did he do something to you again?” Caught off guard by William’s innocent question Brendon gasped and looked at his older friend with his eyes wide.

“Well um...I mean not today b-but you know how he is, Ian means well but he just-”

“Brendon shut the hell up he told you to say that.” William spat violently.

“William you’re one to talk! Your boyfriend is just as shitty as mine!”

“Yeah but I’m going to make him pay, I’m going to get revenge.”

“Wait what?” Brendons stumbled.

“Yeah after prom night Ryan’s going to wish he had never even met me.” William spoke with confidence. Brendon glanced at him in a nervous manner but didn’t object.

“C-can I get in on the plan?”

“You want to get revenge on someone too?” William said in shock.

“Y-yeah...I think I’m going to break up with Ian but I still want to make him pay for all he put me through.” Brendon explained sitting up on the bathroom floor.

“Oh hell yes! Let's teach these assholes a lesson!”


	5. December

“Beckett what the hell!?” An angry voice shouted from down the hall. William turned around quickly just in time to see a furious Adam T. Siska running at him full speed. The senior tackled him to the ground mercilessly and stared deep into his eyes.

“What the hell did you do!?” Sisky exclaimed. William shoved him off and sat up confusion gracing his features.

“What do you mean what did I do? I didn’t do anything.”

“Why did you break up with Ryan!?”!? Sisky cried out dramatically. William gawked at his friend and got up off of the floor.

“Do you know what he did? He cheated on me the bastard, of course I broke up with him and I’m going to make him pay for it too!” William shouted completely enraged. Adam crossed his arms over his chest and looked at William like he was a bratty child.

“Did you even let him explain what happened!?”

“Of course I didn’t why would I want to hear his pathetic excuses!?”

“William you don’t even know what happened to him! How could you just leave him like that!?” Sisky yelled over his friend throwing his hands up. William’s face grew red and he stomped his foot taking a hostile step towards his older friend.

“You don’t know what happened to me Sisky! What happened between me and Ryan is none of your fucking buisness, god I can’t believe you’re taking his side!” William hollered shoving his friend’s chest. Adam’s eyes burned into William’s like a wildfire as he pushed him back just as hard.

“I’m so tired of hearing about your problems William! Either put up or shut up because I’m sick of hanging around with a whiney asshole that always makes himself the victim!” Adam spat the color draining from both their faces as the last phrase was said. The older of the two licked his lips and stepped to the side giving a disappointed nodded as he walked past William. The younger boy stared off down the hallway in silence as the mass of bodies rushed by him signalling the end of the day.

His life was officially ruined.

**********

 

“Hey what's got you down baby boy?”

“I’m selfish Travie.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about babe, you’re the sweetest kid at this school you wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Travie swooned thoughtfully. William punched his shoulder softly.

“Oh stop with the sweet talking Mr.McCoy I know you’re just trying to get in my pants.” William growled although there was no venom behind his voice.

“That ain’t true baby boy you know I have Katy.” The lovestruck teen said with a smile.  
“I’m sorry but don’t kid yourself Travis, you know Katy is a skank you should keep yourself open because you know that she is.” William scoffed rolling his eyes. Travie’s smile faltered for a moment but quickly reset itself upon his face.

“Forget what I said earlier you are mean.”

“Damn straight.”

“More like damn gay.” The taller of the two mumbled under his breath. William gasped and slapped Travie’s arm softly.

“Travis! You’re such a rebel silence yourself!”

“Why don’t you make me Bill Beckett, you couldn’t if you tried.”

“Yeah...Fair point.”

“Anyway so what’s got you down lately?” Travie asked innocently. William shrugged his shoulders and sighed heavily.

“I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore, I keep looking in the mirror and I feel like it’s not me. I can’t remember where it all went wrong but I feel like I’m falling apart, just waiting for myself to dig a hole that I can’t get out of.”

“Do you think Ryan caused it?”

“Honestly I don’t know, maybe? We were fine for a while and then all of a sudden we started shutting each other out.” Travie nodded in understanding and sat down at one of the vacant lunch tables. William hesitantly followed and dropped his bag down next to him with a thud.

“Well what’s going on between you two now?” Travie questioned taking a large bite out of his sandwich.

“I broke up with him.” William stated blankly. Travie snapped his head around to face him and spit lettuce and tomato all over the floor wiping his mouth afterwards.

“You what?! Why?!” He exclaimed cleaning up the mess he made with a napkin. William rolled his eyes and began to explain.

“I went over his house to study one day and we got side tracked...anyway I’ll leave that part of the story there, think what you will but he ended up confessing to me that he cheated while I was in the hospital so I dumped him.”

“How did he act when he told you, was he guilty or anything like that?” William smiled venomously at his naive friend.

“Oh he was guilty alright, he broke down into tears and nearly chased me out of his house as I was leaving. “Bilvy please! Let’s talk about this! I didn’t mean to!” And all that B.S. I just left afterwards though.”  
“Did he explain what happened?”

“Eww no I didn’t want to hear any of that crap especially since at the time we were both still virgins, nope I didn’t wanna hear any details about who he lost it to or how he lost it.”

“But what if he didn’t consent or something? I’m not saying he’s not just a cheating asshole because he very well could be but have you checked?” Travie asked cringing a bit as he waited for William’s reaction.

“Ryan’s strong so the only way he would’ve given it up is if he was drinking and some dude picked his ass up, and if so he got what he deserved.”

“Dude that’s a little harsh.” Travie murmured in a light tone.

“Yeah well love is harsh Mr.McCoy.”

**********

 

“Uhg I’m so stupid! I can’t believe I would let myself get sucked into this!” Someone screamed angrily as William happened to be walking out the doors of the school. The curious boy stuck his head around the corner and cocked it to the side when he saw Patrick Stump throwing his fists into one of the lockers near by. He and Patrick had been friends since about seventh grade, they didn’t talk much once they got to high school but William still thought he was a nice guy.

“Hey Trick calm down! What’s got you so pissed off?” William asked catching the other boy’s hand before it took another blow to the locker.

“Pete fucking Wentz! He’s such an asshole dude! We had been together for maybe like a year and a half now and then all of a sudden he wants to break up! Sure I was upset about it but then to make it even worse I found out today that he asked out that manwhore Mikey Way today when we’ve only been broken up for two days!” Patrick fumed his face and neck bright red.

“Damn why do we all have such shitty boyfriends?” William laughed in a sour tone. Patrick’s face immediately softened and he looked over at William sadly.

“What do you mean we all have shitty boyfriends, who else got fucked over this month?”

“Well as we all know Brendon’s boyfriend Ian is a piece of shit and hits Brendon all the time,not to mention the verbal abuse and I broke up with Ryan about two weekends ago because he cheated on me.” Patrick gawked at William completely bewildered.

“Did he really, and yeah Brendon needs to break up with him already he could do so much better.”

“Yeah he did and Brendon is planning on it, actually I’ve got a revenge plan going on to get back at Ryan and Ian for what they did. You wanna join in to get Pete back too?”

“Uh...You know what I’m tired of being nice, I’m in!”

**********

“So William what’s the plan?” Brendon smiled deviously. Patrick nodded along and rubbed his hands together as they sat on the floor of his living room. William had a couple more bruises from his mom this week so he could stay the night but it would all be worth it in April and May.

“Alright so obviously none of us are likely to have a date to prom but that doesn’t mean we can’t go right?”

“Yes go on.” Patrick pushed already excited for what was to come. He never did anything crazy like this.

“So I was thinking, you guys know how they have people audition to perform at prom so the school doesn’t have to pay for an actual band?”

“Yup, I audition my freshman year and got in but Ian said I wasn’t talented enough to go so I didn’t end up doing it.” Brendon mumbled sadly.

“So all three of us can sing so we’re going to audition separately with songs we know we can sing but then, We’re going have specific songs written about them and all that they have done to us. Then we’ll perform them in front of everyone at the prom and embarrass the shit out of them because the songs will be directed at them and we’ll say what they’ve done to us once we finish.”

“So kind of like a twist on Carrie?” Patrick quizzed thoughtfully. William smiled and laughed patting him on the back.

“In a way yes, all we have to do is write the songs and keep this under tabs until the tryouts in April.” Both Brendon and Patrick nodded in understanding and smiled evilly at one another excited about the havoc they were about to cause.

“This is literally going to be the funnest thing I’ve done in my life!” Patrick exclaimed running into his kitchen to grab snacks. William and Brendon laughed as his mother shushed him aggressively and reminded him not to run in the house. As the two boys were laughing William realized that he should probably turn his phone on in case his mother called to yell at him. When he did turn it on he had discovered he had 2 voicemails, 12 missed calls, and 34 text messages. All of the missed calls and voicemails were from Ryan and about half of the text were also while the rest were from Gabe, most of them asking if William wanted to hang out.

“Hey Patrick can Gabe come over? Will your mom and dad be okay with that?” William called out also asking Brendon if he were comfortable with Gabe. Patrick said that Gabe was allowed to come over as long as he took off his dumb sunglasses and promised not to eat all of his hot pockets again. William called Gabe on the phone and told him to come over whenever he wanted making sure to give him Patrick’s address.

“Saporta in the house where all the home girls at?!” The tan boy shouted obnoxiously as he bursted through the door no later than 20 minutes after William had called him.

“Gabe you know that the majority of the people in the house are gay, the only home girl you’re gonna see is Patrick’s mom.” Brendon snorted comically. Gabe pouted and yelled “Shut the hell up Urie, I’m bisexual just as much as I’m bilingual mi amigo!”

“Both of you be quiet, I need to tell Gabe what’s going on and all this screaming is giving me a headache.” William whined sprawling out over the living room floor.

“Sorry Princess Beckett.” Gabe mumbled under his breath. William reached over to the couch and pulled a pillow off of it intending to throw it at Gabe but completely missing and knocking the plate of hot pockets out of Patrick’s hands instead.

“Beckett you little bitch!” He exclaimed as he picked up the small treats off of the floor.

“Guillermo por que!?!?!” Gabe cried clutching his chest in fake anguish.

“Who the hell is Guillermo?” Brendon chimed in. Gabe rolled his eyes and stood up to help Patrick clean up the mess.

“That’s what the name William is in Spanish, stupid white kid.” Gabe groaned rolling his eyes once again when Brendon gasped.

“Hey stop being racist you Mexican asshole!”

“Shut up Mr.McWhitey I’m from Uruguay.”

“Again will both of you shut up!” William yelled flailing his arms.

“What are you whining about now?” Brendon groaned.

“I’m trying to tell you about our amazing revenge plan!”

“Wait you’re actually getting revenge?” Gabe asked eyes going wide. William nodded and smiled.

“Indeed I am now continue helping Trick and I clean up, I’ll tell you as we go.”

**********

Gabe was probably the most excited out of all of the boys when it came to the revenge plan. Once William had told him he had clapped his hands and cheered about the coming events. However Gabe also thought that it needed more detail and had to be extremely convincing that nothing suspicious was going to occur in order for the plan to work. He said that William, Patrick, and Brendon needed to look like they were genuinely over their exes or their intentions would be obvious.

“So how are we supposed to be more convincing?” Patrick asked munching on a handful of popcorn. The boys had settled down as the night came along and had picked out a comedy movie to watch for now, White Chicks of course.

“You need to stay away from them without being outwardly malicious.” Gabe explained nonchalantly.

“That’s going to be a hard one for you huh Will?” Brendon quizzed rolling his head over to face the older boy. William flushed and by then all of the boys were staring at him, waiting for his response.

“I-I don’t know what you’re t-talking about.” William stuttered nervously.

“Don’t play dumb Bill we all know you’re bound to say something to Ryan sooner or later.” Gabe laughed.

“Shut up Saporta this is why you’re going to be forever alone.”

“Hey that is not true, you remember Vicky Asher!” Gabe defended. William halfheartedly rolled his eyes not even putting effort into being annoyed.

“Vicky Asher fucking dumped you because you’re a slut.” William retorted pointedly.

“Shut up Beckett you’re a slut.”

“At least my ex isn’t a slut and I can’t say that I’ve ever had sex with Mikey Way because the lord knows your desperate ass has.” William fired back viciously, Gabe gasped and flushed deeply the tips of his ears turning pink.

“Holy shit William just roasted you Gabe!” Patrick exclaimed. William grinned triumphantly at the egotistically ruined teen.

“Bilvy why are you so mean to me?” Gabe whined childishly. William immediately became pale and excused himself from the movie.

“William what’s wrong?” Gabe asked becoming immediately worried due to his best friend’s reaction.

“I-I um, I just need to step out for a moment.” William whispered as his knees grew weak.

“Do you want one of us to come with you?” Brendon asked standing up with concern. William swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head.

“N-No, I uh...I’ll be back in a minute.”

William quickly exited the living room and headed straight for Patrick’s bathroom slamming the door behind him once inside. The distressed boy crumpled onto the floor beside the toilet and sobbed as he emptied his stomach. This wasn’t going to work. He couldn’t live like this, he was falling apart again. This is why Ryan cheated on him. William is fat, William is ugly, William is worthless. The teen sobbed harder and threw up yet again praying to a god he didn’t believe in that no one came to check on him.

“Lord, someone please fucking help me!” He cried desperately clinging onto the toilet bowl. He was a wreck again and he’d only been home for a few weeks.

He was a picture perfect shattered life

“William...are you okay in there?” Brendon’s quiet voice sounded through the door. William clutched his stomach and froze.

“...Uh yeah, I’m fine just go back to the movie Bren.” He choked out trying his hardest to keep his voice even.

“Can I come in there?” Brendon asked wearily. William swallowed hard and nodded realizing a few moments afterward that Brendon couldn’t actually see him. Eventually he gained the strength to to verbally let Brendon in.

“William what’s wrong?” The young teen inquired. The older of the two shook his head and smiled sadly.

“It’s just that he used to call me that and I don’t know, I guess it still hurts. I know that reaction was overdramatic but, I really did love him Brendon and it fucking hurts to know that he didn’t feel the same.” William said wiping away his tears with his shirt. Brendon looked at him with a pained face before tears began to spill from his eyes.

“W-why are you crying Bren?” William asked softly. Brendon began to cry harder and put his head in his hands.

“You don’t deserve any of this William, your life is hard enough without all the drama and heartbreak! God I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry!” Brendon sobbed burying his face in William’s shoulder. The tall boy didn’t really understand why his friend was so upset about his misfortune but comforted him none the less at least feeling better that for once he wasn’t the one clinging to his friend for emotional support. 

“We’re missing the movie.” William mumbled. Brendon shook his head and laughed. 

“No we’re not, as soon as you ran off Gabe lost his shit and made Patrick pause the movie. He was going to come in here and check on you but I know he can be a little overbearing at times so I told him to let me come in first and then he can come talk to you if you’re up for it.” Brendon explained cleaning himself up and getting up off the floor. William sat up properly and nodded telling Brendon to shut the door behind him.

“William I’m so so sorry.” Gabe rushed out as soon as he entered the room. William blushed and pushed some of his hair out of his face.  
“Gabe you didn’t do anything wrong I just had a little melt down.” William explained softly. Gabe shook his head in frustration.

“No I need to be more careful, I’ve been so careless about your feelings lately and I’m sorry. I haven’t cared much about anyone’s feelings... “ Gabe mumbled his voice tapering off at the end.

“What do you mean?” William asked knitting his eyebrows together. Gabe’s shoulders slumped in sadness.

“I made you think negatively about your body and I made Ryan an alcoholic.” He replied sadly. William’s throat closed a little at the thought of his body shaming incident he had the day before school started but this sense of fear was washed away with anger when Gabe blamed himself for Ryan’s stupid addiction.

“Gabe Ryan’s alcohol abuse is not your fault in the slightest, he’s been fucked up like that for years!” William exclaimed in fury. Gabe shook his head.

“That may be true but I made it worse!”

“And how so?”

“When you left...I should’ve just left him alone.” Gabe muttered in disappointment. William gently tugged his hand until the tan boy sat down next to him. Gabe looked at him with a look of both wonder and sorrow.

“It’s just... Okay so once you left all he did was talk about how much he hated himself, he just beat himself up over what had happened and he was so scared of losing you. I should’ve been helping him but all I did was blame him and put him down. I should’ve stopped but I just kept yelling and screaming at him, asking what he had done to you, I thought he had hit you and that’s why you passed out but he wouldn't tell me...He just jumped out of my car, screamed at me, and then slammed his front door as he ran inside his house.” Gabe explained sadly. William grew pale once again as he retold the story.

Gabe still didn’t know, Sisky didn’t tell him.

William took a deep breath and pulled at the hem of his shirt, something he often when he became nervous. Gabe notice his shift in attitude and patted him on the thigh, William’s heartbeat stuttered.

“G-Gabe...I need to tell you something, it has to do with why I passed out that day... “

“Go on.” Gabe pleaded.

“I had been starving myself Gabe...I thought that I was so disgusting that I wouldn’t eat and when I did eat half the time I was so sick from not eating that I just threw up.” William said beginning to tear up. He had never told anyone what was happening to him and it was a scary new experience. Usually, everyone put the pieces of the puzzle together without his help. Gabe made a pained noise in the back of his neck and rubbed his face, eyes red and puffy. Despite the dreadful look on his face Gabe didn’t cry, Gabriel Saporta didn’t dare cry in public.

“Will no, please no! It can’t be true!” Gabe exclaimed throwing his hands up in both frustration and deep sadness. William’s bottom lips jutted out a little and he sniffled softly.

“I-it’s the truth Gabe...I h-hate myself.” William whimpered tucking his knees to his chest. Gabe shook his head and meekly touched his hand to William’s wrist.

“William don’t say that, you shouldn’t hate yourself.” Gabe said as he rubbed his thumb across the other boy’s porcelain skin.

“Well I do Gabriel, I’m disgusting and I’m ugly.”

“No you’re not, you’re wonderful.” Gabe replied sincerely. William cracked a smile.

“You’re beautiful.” The tan boy murmured intertwining their hands together. William looked up at Gabe in admiration as the taller boy gently wrapped his free hand around the back of William neck and slowly pulled him close. William’s heart pounded against his ribs as he pushed his lips back against Gabe’s. Gabe leaned forward and crawled into William’s lap, softly pushing him up against the wall in the process. The pale boy moaned in surprise and loosely wrapped his arm around Gabe’s waist, digging his fingers into the denim. Gabe’s tongue quickly darted into William’s mouth, evoking a shocked whimper before the tan boy climbed off of William’s lap and sat next to him on the floor hands still locked together. William blushed crimson and rested his head on his friend’s shoulder.

“Tu es muy bonito Guillermo y tienes mi corazón.”


	6. January

I’m not even sure if he likes men.” William said with a shrug as he and Gabe walked down the hallway hands intertwined as they made their way to lunch. While the two were walking they happened to look over just in time to see Ryan Ross chatting it up with Pete Wentz. Basically two of the most disgusting people to William standing side by side.

“I think he does, maybe he’s bisexual?” Gabe suggested as they walked closer. William shook his head.

“No he isn’t, he told me he was gay, Pete’s bi though.” He explained casually.

“Are you sure he isn’t?” Gabe asked thoughtfully. William made eye contact with Ryan as they passed them quickly stating “No I’m not, he’s a liar you know.” Which resulted in Ryan’s eyes glaring right through William as he muttered a “Shut the fuck up Beckett.” Under his breath. William stopped walking and turned on his heels to face his ex boyfriend.

“Excuse me but I must have heard you incorrectly, what did you just say?” He spat heartlessly. Pete excused himself from the the situation as Ryan took a step forward.

“You heard me, I told you to shut the fuck up. What sexuality I identify with is none of your damn buisness and you need to keep my name out of your mouth.” 

“You can’t tell me who or what to talk about Ryan, you don’t own me.” William snapped crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yeah and you don’t own my autobiography so shut the fuck up and stop obsessing over me.” Ryan shot back taking a defensive stance. William fumed at Ryan’s audacity.

“Well maybe people wouldn’t be talking about you if you weren’t a good for nothing piece of shit that doesn’t know how to keep his dick in his pants.” William responded nonchalantly. Ryan turned bright red and shoved William back a few feet causing him to bump into Gabe.

“I didn’t fucking want to someone made me! If you weren’t such an overdramatic bitch I would’ve been able to tell you the whole story before you threw everything we had in my face!” He screamed furiously. Gabe stepped in front of William and looked down at Ryan in disappointment.

“Hey don’t talk to him like that Ryan, William didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t drink and get himself into a big mess like you did.” Gabe said his voice filled with tension and hostility. Ryan’s fists clenched and unclenched by his sides.

“Shut up Gabriel this has nothing to do with you, you’re just mad that William would give himself to me before he’d give himself to you.” Ryan shot back fiercely. Gabe’s tan skin became pink in some areas as he filled with rage.

“Your parents are right, you are a worthless piece of shit.” Gabe muttered, making sure it was loud enough for Ryan to hear. The older boy took a deep breath before he swung his fist and hit Gabe in the face. William stood shocked as Gabe threw a punch back knowing that he probably wasn’t going to win the fight. If anything they would tie. 

The pale boy felt his knees buckle as the fight continued, he desperately wanted to get in the middle and stop it but he just couldn’t do it. His feet were glued to the floor and the ringing in his ears drowned out the screams of the two people that he did honestly care about. It hurt his heart to actually admit he still cared for Ryan but he truly did. Ryan took care of him like Gabe couldn’t, he knew when to put William in his place but also knew when William needed to be loved. Gabe could love William to the ends of the earth but he could never compete with Ryan.

William shivered as he heard footsteps barreling down the hallway; The teachers were coming for them. Inside his mind fear began to take over but he still remain frozen where he stood.

“G-guys please, please stop!” He cried finally gaining the strength to move a little closer. The other boys continued landing punches on each other and by this time William knew he just had to stop the fighting, there was blood covering the floor and someone was going to end up seriously hurt very soon. With all of the courage he could possibly scrape up William ran over and got in between the two, separating them just a little before the teachers came in.

“Hey, hey stop that!” The gym teacher said as he sprinted towards the three teens. A few more teachers swarmed them and dragged both Gabe and Ryan to opposite sides of the hallway; sitting Gabe down on the floor a few feet away and pulling Ryan off to the principal office.

“I hate both of you, I swear I do! You mean nothing to me now William! You hear that Beckett, you’re fucking dead to me! I hate you!” Ryan screamed viciously the blood on his lips flying everywhere. He continued to scream as he was dragged away his faint curses and profanity echoing down the hall. It truly broke William’s heart.

Ryan hated him.

**********

“One day I’m going to leave you and never come back!” William’s mother screamed hitting his back again with her black belt she wore to work. William cried out in pain and curled tighter into fetal position as he laid on the floor. His mother was outraged that he had gained weight again, she wanted him to waste away and die already. When William was barely old enough to crawl his father and disappeared out of their lives forever and since then William’s mother had hated her son. She had hated that there was always a constant reminder of the one she thought she loved looking back at her every single day. She didn’t want William, she didn’t want a reminder, she wanted him dead so she could forget it all.

“Then leave already I can’t take it anymore!” William yelled in distress trying to crawl away from his parent. His mother chased after him and struck him again across his back opening another wound. William screamed in pain and tried again to get up but with no avail.

“You can’t take it anymore?!?! I can’t take it anymore you ungrateful piece of shit!” William mother exclaimed kicking him in the stomach. All of the air in William’s lungs scurried out of his body as his mother continued to beat him mercilessly. The damaged teen gasped for air and cried silently as the blows kept coming and the insults harassed his mind.

I can’t take it anymore...

**********

Just like William, Ryan had been facing a few problems at home as well, granted his parents never hit him but they might as well have with the way they talked and acted around him. For a while his parents had just ignored him, they pretended he didn’t exist for the longest time and honestly Ryan kind of missed it. Ryan wasn’t sure when his parents started to hate him but he knew it had been most of his life. It’s probably because they wanted a light hearted Mormon daughter but instead they got a ill tempered son that was gay and thought he was too smart to talk to god. Of course in the beginning Ryan didn’t even know he was gay and neither did his parents so once he figured himself out and came clean with them it didn’t really help his image in their eyes. It only got worse from there, when Ryan was ten years old his parents finally got what they wanted. A little blonde haired, blue eyed baby girl that they named Cassandra. Ryan didn’t hate her but her presents certainly wasn’t a pleasant one. As soon as she was old enough to talk and walk his parents turned her against him. Sometimes she tried to reach out to her older brother but it was forbidden so Ryan really couldn’t blame her for neglecting and resenting him, after all it was all she knew how to do. As his sister got older Ryan’s life got harder, his family began to take trips without him leaving him at home for days without warning. Once his family went to Florida for 2 weeks without him and didn’t leave any money, food or explanation. Ryan didn’t eat for a week and a half out of that time period. Despite how horrible that time in his life was Ryan wished he could go back in time to then so he didn’t have to go through all the pain and verbal abuse he did currently. His mother wasn’t usually as harsh as his father but they both did a good amount of mental damage on him and one day he was bound to snap...especially with all the alcohol that had been in his blood lately.

**********

“Poor Ryan his family insults his ego, he must have it rough right?” William laughed as blood dribbled down his chin. After school he had confronted Ryan about fighting Gabe and causing a scene at school which inevitably caused another scene in the living room of Travie’s house. It was a broken friday night but despite that Travie wanted to have all his friends over for a party as he often did a little bit after New Year’s. There was going to be tension to say the least because Ryan was going to be there and so was William, not to mention Brendon’s ex Ian and Patrick’s ex Pete were also due to come around once the party got started. William couldn’t really be that mad at Travie for inviting all of these people anyway, it wasn’t a party for him and Travie had the right to invite all of his friends to the party even if some of them didn’t get along. William just wished that he hadn’t gone through with it. As the time droned on people got wasted as they usually do at parties. Sisky, Gerard and Frank showed up with a large glass bottle filled with tequila about quarter past ten and by eleven thirty everyone was sitting on the floor playing truth or dare and spin the bottle with the empty container. Eventually the two games were mixed together in which the person asked you a question and you answered it then they dared you to kiss someone. It was pretty fun and carefree in the beginning, William had answered 3 questions and ended up kissing Sisky (who was pretty horrified that he had to kiss his childhood best friend but did it none the less), Brendon (who laughed until he almost threw up when he was chosen to kiss William and then climbed up into William’s lap like a cat), and then Travie (who William did have a secret crush on at one point so now he can cross kissing him off of his bucket list. William had to admit though that if he wasn’t dating Gabe he would’ve totally went for Travie because that boy just knows how to do all the right things). Like previously stated everyone was having a good time. Some people stood by watching like Gabe who thought that if he were to join in someone would ask if he was Mexican as a truth and then he would have to terminate them, and Gerard who said “My beautifully pink and plush lips are for Frank and Frank only!” To which everyone laughed hysterically. The game lasted for a very long time and by twelve forty five there were more spectators and more players added in. William could’ve honestly said it was one of the best times of his life until someone dared Ryan to kiss him. Both boys glared at each other and the wolf whistles and or cat calls died down quickly.

“Do I really have to kiss him?” Ryan whined rolling his head over to Jon Walker who giggle and adjusted the brown sandal that was hanging off of his right foot by a single strap.

“Uh yeah you can’t back down from a dare Ryan.” Jon slurred patting Ryan on the back a little too hard through his drunken haze. Ryan scowled at William from across the circle and folded his arms across his chest.

“I don’t want to, he’s disgusting and he’s dead to me.” Ryan spat looking William up and down with hatred. William grew red in the face from both embarrassment and sadness watching Gabe clench his fists through his peripheral vision. Jon told Ryan “Stop being a little bitch.” and shoved him closer to William in which his glare intensified. William held his ground.

“What’s the matter Ross? Afraid of making a fool of yourself?” William fired back with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Ryan grimaced and forcefully grabbed William by the arm mumbling a quick “Shut the hell up you slut” before he smashed his lips against William’s. The younger boy made a surprised noise in the back of his throat not expecting the dominant force that Ryan had applied to the kiss. Normally when the two were together it was all gentle passionate movement and loving whispers but now that they were no longer together it was all dirty talk and fearsome measures. William pushed back harder determined to not be seen as the weaker of the two even though he was. Ryan smiled deviously and bit down on the pale boy’s lower lip as he dragged his hands behind his back holding them there with an iron grip. William moaned and broke the kiss dragging his teeth across Ryan’s neck.

“Stop trying to act tough and put on a show.” He growled under his breath opening his eyes to look at Ryan’s face. The older boy scowled at him and pulled William’s hair back with his free hand so he could have access to his neck. Ryan left a large red hickey between William neck and jaw nipping the skin as he went. William moaned again and tried to pull his arms out of Ryan’s strong hold.

“You’re the one that’s been putting on a show, you’ve been doing it from day one. You must be magic William because you’ve fooled us all into believing we could trust you.” Ryan whispered in a dark voice that was barely heard over the whooping of the other people and the loud club music that was being blasted through the speakers at the front of the room. William could see Gabe glaring at the two of them out of the corner of his eye but kept the ‘fight’ going. He wasn’t going to back down to Ryan this time.

“I’ve been faithful from day one, I’m not the one that cheated you filthy snake.” William shot back wiggling one of his arms free just in time to gift Ryan with a stinging slap across the face as he went to make another mark on William’s porcelain skin. The older boy shoved at William’s chest and began hollering.

Funny how easily he was set off.

“It’s not cheating if I didn’t fucking want it you good for nothing, mentally incapacitated, piece of shit! How many times do I have to tell you?!?! I didn’t fucking want it I was saving myself for you, you dumb bitch! I fucking loved you!” Ryan screamed as the two began wrestling on the ground William froze for a moment but lunged at Ryan in anger none the less swinging his fist and pinning the other boy down. William could feel the hands of his friends tugging at his body trying to break up the fight but he kept going. People weren’t going to keep talking him like he was worthless and get away with it.

“Well maybe you wouldn’t get taken advantage of if you weren’t a fucking alcoholic and could actually stay sober enough to control your fucking actions and protect yourself!” William shouted back giving Ryan another blow across the face and a few to the stomach. The older of the two shoved him off and pounced on top of him with great force.

“I can’t fucking stop it William what do you want from me! My parents treat me like shit and there’s no one to help me get out of my problems anymore!” The ill tempered boy fumed hitting William in the chest with all he had. William coughed as all the air escaped out of his body splattering a tiny bit of blood onto Ryan’s face.

“Poor Ryan his family insults his ego, he must have it rough right?” William laughed as blood dribbled down his chin. The other boy stared deeply into his eyes and raised his hand up ready for the final strike. Once hit William didn’t really remember much after that, he probably blacked out. 

**********

“Don’t you ever fucking do that again you hear me?” A hazy voice asked sternly in the distance.

“Fuck you, you don’t own me I don’t have to listen to a damn word you say.” Another voice replied back.

“Well you better do what I say or we’re going to have a problem.” the first voiced warned.

“Oh is that a threat Saporta? I’m so fucking scared, go fuck yourself. You need to keep your nose out of other people’s business you know that? Just because you’re dating that paranoid asshole over there doesn’t mean that I have to get dragged into it. What happened between me and William is between me and William so stop trying to fucking insert yourself into my past and act all tough because I’m not even scared of you in the slightest and as you both have witnessed first hand you know how fucking close I am to killing someone and getting life in prison. Honestly it’s almost to the point that I wouldn’t be completely against that either.” The second voice snarled. The first person (Who William was assuming was Gabe) sighed and continued talking but in a hush tone.

“Be quiet! You’re going to wake him up!” He whispered harshly. The second voice (who William was assuming was Ryan) laughed in a sour tone.

“Why are you like this Ryan, what happened to you?” Gabe whispered sharply. Ryan only laughed again.  
“Oh so now you want to hear the story huh? Well too bad I don’t think I should waste my breath on you two anymore. I’m sick of looking at you and being jealous and I’m sick of looking at him and being heartbroken. Do you know how fucked up this whole ordeal has gotten me? Do you know how many dirty looks I get and how many friends I’ve lost because everyone thinks I’m a cheating slut now?” Ryan asked with venom in his voice.

“You act like you’re the only one that’s heartbroken Ryan! You really really hurt William when you fucked up like that!” Gabe snapped his voice getting slightly louder.

“Oh of course act like everyone else, make me out to be the bad guy and make him the victim. I’m literally done with both of you at this point, everyone automatically assumes that I’m a bad person and then shuts me out well jokes on the world because once this year is up I’m getting out of this town.” Ryan spat before William heard his voice echo off into the distance. William’s heart shattered in his chest but he held himself together and pretended to be asleep as Gabe walked into the room.

“Bill...Bill wake up babe.” Gabe said gently shaking William’s shoulder. The paler boy pretended to stir and faked a yawn as he sat up.

Jesus his body hurt

“Morning William, sorry to wake you you’re probably really sore but you needed to have something to eat.” Gabe voiced in a soft manner. William frowned a little and nodded.

“...Yeah I guess I am a bit hungry...thanks Gabe.” William murmured quietly as he lay back down. Gabe sighed and exited the room.

Ryan was jealous? Ryan was heartbroken?


	7. February

“Any idea where Brendon is?” Patrick quizzed as the two boys sat on the floor of his living room accompanied by Gabe who was sprawled out on the recliner and Sisky who was sitting on the couch watching Nat Geo Wild.

“No clue, he’s probably just running a bit late.” William said hopefully, his birthday was coming up pretty soon and they had all decided that they would go over Patrick’s house to plan for the party...for some reason Brendon wasn’t here yet.

“A bit late, we’ve been waiting for 2 hours.” Sisky mumbled from his spot from the couch.

“Shut up Sisky, he’ll be here.” William snapped as he glared at his best friend. He was already worried about Brendon and he didn’t need to be reminded. Adam put his hands up in surrender and everyone else in the room looked at William with concern.

“Bilvy...are you okay?” Gabe asked thoughtfully.

“D-don’t call me that Gabe.”

“William I thought that we had talked about this, you said that-”

“Well that was then and this is now, why do you always have to push Gabe?”

“I’m not pushing I’m just trying to help.” Gabe said softly reaching out to William. The anxious boy slapped his hand away and looked at him like a helpless animal.

“Stop trying to help Gabe you suck at it.”

“Bill what the fuck is wrong with you? I’m literally not even doing anything stop acting like I’m the bad guy!”

“Oh so now I’m the bad guy?” William shouted.

“No I didn’t say that stop putting words in my mouth!”

 

_Boy this conversation sounds familiar..._

 

“Then stop being so fucking annoying.”

“Oh my god Ryan was right you are a paranoid asshole!” Gabe exclaimed in anger. William stared at him wide eyed still in shock that Gabe would say such a thing to him.

“Hey, that’s enough from both of you alright! You guys are acting like little fucking kids right now! William get your head out of your ass and stop being a bitch for no reason and Gabe stop acting like William is your pet and not your boyfriend.” Sisky yelled finally having enough with the two of his friends constantly fighting. Just as a tense silence began to fall over the group There was a knock at the door and Patrick cleared his throat getting up to answer it.

“Brendon what happened!” He cried as the beaten boy fell into his arms and sobbed. William stood up and quickly rushed up behind Patrick with Gabe and Sisky close behind.

“I-I, h-he wanted to- and I said n-no so he- and then I-I screamed a-a-and he g-got mad so I left and he f-f-found me so I had to tell him. Th-then he hit me b-but he wouldn’t stop.” Brendon choked out in between his cries. Blood from his mouth drenched the front of Patrick’s black t-shirt and William could already see the deep purple ring forming around his eye from where he got punched.

“I’m going to fucking kill Ian I swear!” William yelled in fury. Brendon flinched at the tone of his voice and sunk down deeper into Patrick’s arms shaking aggressively.

“C’mon let's get you cleaned up Bren.” Patrick said tugging on the young teen’s arm. The terrified boy nodded and tried to stand up but quickly fell back onto the ground in pain. Sisky came closer and grabbed Brendon by the waist to stable him before picking him up and carrying him into the bathroom.

 

**********

“William please calm down, for once I deserved it.” Brendon pleaded as the older boy rubbed a warm washcloth against his face to wipe away the blood.

“You don’t deserve to get the shit beaten out of you Brendon that’s Ian making you think that!” William scolded in a motherly tone.

“William does have a point Brendon, enough is enough.” Sisky chimed in quietly. Gabe nodded from the side and Patrick looked at his friend with a sad but agreeable smile.

“You guys don’t understand and you never will!” Brendon defended feebly. William scoffed and raised an eyebrow.

“Well it doesn’t matter anyway because soon enough we’re going to get revenge on all of these sick bastards anyway.”

“Oh speaking of sick bastards Gerard wants to know if he can get in on the plan.” Gabe interjected.

“How the hell does Gerard know about the plan?” William quizzed in worried tone.

“Well he said he overheard us talking about it at school so he was probably just eavesdropping.” Gabe stated with a shrug.

“So why does he want to join in on the plan?”

“I guess Frank cheated on him with that slutty kid that Pete cheated on Patrick with.” Gabe answered. Patrick gritted his teeth and scowled off into the distance for a short moment.

“Isn’t that Mikey Way, Gerard’s brother?” Sisky asked thoughtfully. Gabe cringed and nodded.

“Damn poor guy, well I guess he can join in then but no more people, this is going to get too complicated.” William said with a clap of his hands.

“It already is too complicated, it’s been complicated from the start.” Brendon murmured pitifully. His friends turned to him in concern as he picked at a scab out of nervous habit.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom I’ll be back.” Brendon squeaked out before hastily leaving the room.

 

_What was that supposed to mean??_

**********

_“I really do miss you, I never meant to hurt you.”_

_“I know you didn’t...Truth be told I’ve missed you too.”_

_“Then why don’t we just get back together then?”_

_“I have Gabe now, and besides I think we should just stay friends honestly I’m not really into relationships that much anymore...Not even my current one.”_

_“Well then let’s just be friends with benefits.”_

_“What kind of benefits.”_

_“I’ll show you Bilvy.”_

_“God is that what you meant?”_

_“Do you not want to?”_

_“No I do! I’ve wanted this for my whole life, I’ve wanted you for my whole life.”_

_“Well then let it happen.”_

_**********_

_“William! How could you do this to me! I thought you hated him!”_

_“I thought I did too Gabe but things change and sometimes what you really want is something you shouldn’t have.”_

_“Oh so you don’t want me?!”_

_“No Gabe of course I do!”_

_“Well you can’t have both so choose, it’s me or Ryan.”_

_“I choose... “_

William awoke with a start as his clock screamed into his ear. In his terrified haze the hopeless teen shrieked and swatted his alarm clock off of his nightstand.

“Shut the fuck up you piece of shit! I’m trying to sleep!” William’s mother yelled ferociously as the clock hit the wall with a thud. William bit the inside of his cheek in fear and slowly got up out of bed careful not to disturb his shrew of a mother again.The teen cautiously tip toed out of the house once dressed and ready for school making sure not to close the door too loud on his way out. As he walked to school small amounts of tears ran down his face. It felt a lot like the first day of school only this time he had more friends. Even though he had all these people who cared about him he oddly enough felt pretty lonely. The boy couldn’t quite put his finger on it but he felt as though something was missing, something drastically ripped from his life. Despite this feeling of emptiness he did make it to school however he still did feel out of place. Once inside the building Gabe snaked his arms around William’s waist and kissed him but he didn’t feel any spark. He didn’t even bother closing his eyes either, he glanced around the steadily filling corridor and watched people pass. He even made eye contact with a slightly battered Ryan, he made sure to look away quickly after that.

“Something wrong Billiam?” Gabe murmured onto his lips. William blushed with embarrassment and took a step back.  
“It's just that-”

“Guys! Guys!” A frantic voice called from down the hall. Both boys turned their heads to see Brendon dragging Patrick along by the hand with a deep look of concern on his face. He let go of Patrick once they reached William and Gabe. Brendon huffed toward the ground trying to catch his breath before he spoke.

“What's the matter Bren, why are you acting so crazy?” William quizzed suspiciously.

“G-Gerard he-he-”

“Out with it dude, we don’t have all day.” Gabe interjected.

“G-Gerard is out, out of the plan.” He finally sputtered out. William looked at him with mild boredom and shrugged his shoulders.

“So? He was only at one meeting it’s not like he was of that much use to us.”

“Y-yeah but he got back with Frank!” Brendon cried anxiously

“Good for him why should I give a flying fuck about it?” William snapped getting quite annoyed with how dramatic Brendon was being.

“He told Frank all about the stupid plan!” Patrick shouted angrily. The other three boys stared at him with shock as his face grew red.

“Why the fuck would he do that?!?!” William exclaimed currently pissed enough to not care how loud he was swearing in front of the principal’s office.

“I don’t know, I guess as a confession or something so he didn’t have to feel so guilty?” Brendon pondered. Gabe shook his head in disappointment while William stood fuming by his side.

“I’m out too.” Patrick muttered under his breath. William’s eyes went wide and he took a large step back so he could gaze at Patrick properly. The shorter boy tugged his trucker cap over his eyes and cleared his throat.

“Pete and I are friends again and even though he’s still dating Mikey I don’t feel like getting revenge on him is going to bring him back to me. I’m sorry William but I-”

“Just go.” William snapped through gritted teeth. Patrick looked up from the school’s tiled floor and studied William’s expression thoroughly.

“W-What?”

“Get out of here Patrick. Just fucking go on and crawl back to someone who doesn’t want you.” Patrick’s eyes narrowed at his older friend.

“Look William you don’t know that and besides I-”

“Oh really I don’t know that? Then explain to me not only why Pete cheated on you but why he’s still with Mikey if you’re back into the picture. How exactly is that bastard your friend Patrick?” The older of the two spat furiously. Gabe and Brendon stood by in utter disbelief as the dramatic scene unfolded before them. Neither boy spoke up.

“Would you fucking let me finish! Jesus christ who the fuck I hang around with is none of your business anyway William and besides if Pete and I decide to be friends again who are you to stop me? You’re just some bitterly cold hearted son of a bitch that’s mad because the love of his life made a mistake and you’re too brain dead to accept that maybe someone else in the world has bigger problems than you!” Patrick shouted ruthlessly. William took a step back to regain his confidence.

“Ryan Ross is not the love of my life, I’m dating Gabe.” William defended.

“And notice how you didn’t mention that Gabe was the love of your life. Deny all you want but remember I was at Travie’s party a few weeks ago and I saw what happened between you and Ryan. If you didn’t like him you wouldn’t have sat there and let him do everything he did to you; sliding his hands up and down your body, biting your neck, making you moan, sticking his tongue in your-”

“Just get the fuck out of here Patrick! What point are you trying to make? If you want to go kiss Pete’s ass and go back to being a fucking nobody go ahead I don’t care anymore in fact I don’t even want to be your friend anymore and I’m going to laugh when he breaks your heart again because then you’ll have nobody and you’ll realize that you should have broken him like he broke you!” William screamed as his voice began to break. Stopping, he realized that everyone was now staring at him. He looked around the silent corridor at all of his peers silently gawking at him, occasionally whispering to the person next to them. Hot streams of tears began to fall down his face and before he knew and Patrick was gone and Ryan was staring at him from across the hall with those big bright honey eyes and that stupid look of deep concern. “He should be concerned about himself.” William thought as he began to sniffle looking at the bruise placed under his eye. Then William pulled at his V-neck to see the faint hickeys that Ryan had left on his neck and chest nearly a month ago and he dropped to his knees sobbing. Gabe attempted to pull him off of the floor and Brendon followed his previously gaze going white when he saw Ryan staring down at William from the stairs across the hall. The younger boy looked in between the two and muttered a quick “I’m sorry I have to go.” before taking off down the hall. The bell rang moments after and the halls cleared, everyone going to class probably gossiping about William’s breakdown. Once to his feet William shoved Gabe away and scrambled to class wiping his tears on his shirt and praying to god that he wouldn’t cry anymore.

**********

“Happy birthday.” A quiet voice spoke from behind him. William cringed and didn’t dare turn around already knowing- no dreading who was there.

“Th-thank you.” He stuttered glancing at the clock. Just five more minutes and his study at the library would end so he could run to the cafeteria.

“I know you’re still mad at me but I wanted to give you a present...I got it months ago, before all this happened and I felt like if I bought it for you I should still give it to you.”

“R-Ryan please just g-go away. I’m not in the mood today.” William feebly declined. Ryan sat down next to him with a large box and chuckled sadly.

“I figured but if I keep this any longer I’m going to go insane.”

“You already are insane Ryan.”

“Yeah but I'll be unbearable and irrational.”

“Two things that you already are.”

“Okay William I know you hate me but will you just take the fricken gift? Please I can’t hold onto it anymore and it was very expensive. I got it engraved and everything.”

“...I don’t hate you Ryan.”

“Then just take the present, please.”

“If it’s a friendship ring or another bracelet I’ll break it just like I did before so-”

“The box is too big to be either of those things please just take it.” Ryan pleaded. William nodded softly and Ryan pushed the large box towards him getting up and walking away as he began opening the box. William quietly gasped when he took the item out of the box revealing a guitar case.

 

_No he couldn’t have_

 

The teen anxiously pulled the case out of the box and opened it to reveal a stunning acoustic guitar with mother of pearl accents and an engraving on the back of the neck that said _“Living one minute without you is a moment I’d rather not have live to see.”_ William stared at the beautiful instrument in shock before standing up and running towards the door of the library.

“Ryan!” He yelled causing the older boy to stop in his tracks but not turn around. Once close enough William grabbed him by the shoulder and spun Ryan around straight into a kiss. William grabbed the boy’s cheeks and kissed him deeper, running his tongue across the elder’s lips. Ryan moaned lightly against the younger boy’s mouth and slipped his arms around his back pulling him closer. William hummed softly and broke the kiss to find a wide eyed shaky Ryan staring at him.

“Y-you shouldn't have done th-that.” He stuttered, face flushing to almost no pigment at all.

“I wanted to.” William whispered surprised at the words that he was letting escape from his mouth.

“N-no you didn't this is all a mistake. You said it yourself...it's over now. You've got Gabe and he l-loves you and I-”

“I heard what you said, after the um, after the party. What you were talking to Gabe about.” Ryan flushed even paler which William thought could not have been possible.

“Don't throw yourself away for me again I won't let you.” Ryan commanded voice cracking with despair.

“Ryan I-” Before William could finish his sentence the bell rang and Ryan escaped from William's gentle grip.

“It's time for lunch go find the people who take care of you.” He suggested as he cleared his throat and quickly disappeared into the other students who were leaving the library. William frowned and grabbed his new guitar, slinging the strap of the case over his shoulder before he picked up his book bag and headed to the cafeteria.

_Stuck in love with you._


	8. March

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning in this chapter, it's very short but it's in there.

"Well I'm glad we got the auditions out of the way." Brendon mumbled sarcastically. The boys had stopped by the drama coordinator's office to perform their duet but never actually got to carry out their audition considering a group of clown faced bitches came up to them and promised that _if they didn't get their scrawny faggot asses out of there_ the girls would set up a meeting between William, Brendon, and the homophobic football team to which the boys quickly declined and left the school.

"How the hell are we supposed to pull off the world most vengeful betrayal if we can't even carry out the plan that we had the whole time?" Brendon asked disappointedly. William shrugged and kicked a pitifully pebble across the asphalt trying to come up with a way to fix the plan.

"What if we stick with the Carrie theme?" William mildly suggested.

"Could you elaborate on what exactly that's supposed to mean?" Brendon snapped.

"Don't get all pissy with me you fucking hyperactive twelve year old." William spat back. Brendon opened his mouth but quickly bit his tongue and locked his jaw shut once his friend's eyes narrowed in anticipation of a fight.

"Anyway, what I'm saying is what if one of us host prom? I mean we're both on student council and no one is going to want to sit up there besides us, we could host the event and then have a bucket sitting there up in the rafters of the gym. We'll rig the ballets so that we have two prom kings, Ryan and Ian and then we'll drop a few gallons of slime on their fucking heads." William spit balled confidently. Brendon looked slightly guilty for a moment before an evil smirk settled onto his face.

"You are one sick bastard Beckett."

"And to each his own Urie."

*********

"Uh I would like to-I just wanted to say-may I- would you mind if I came over after school?" William quizzed with a wince. He didn't know why he was letting himself do it but there he was standing in front of Ryan Ross who was looking back at him with eyes big enough to swallow the stars.

"And why would you want to do that?" Ryan replied pitifully. He was still pretty fucked up but he hadn't been so violent since William reached out to him mid February. The boys had talked during free periods at the library (considering Gabe would have a heart attack if he knew what was going on) and recently started to text each other and call on the phone. Their friendship was slowly being restored but hanging out outside of school was a big step. The last time William had been over Ryan's was the day of the breakup and they were both scared of the blowout that was bound to happen when he went back there.

"I um...I miss hanging out with you." William murmured as he fiddled with his hands. Ryan scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Uh I don't think that's a very good idea." He whispered.

"I know but...I want to start over Ryan. I know that we both fucked up the friendship but I'm still not ready to go even though I tried to act like I was." The younger of the two confessed in embarrassment. Ryan turned to William with a shocked expression before agreeing to have the teen over once school got out. William smiled triumphantly and said he would meet Ryan in the parking lot at two o'clock. The two boys parted ways and William hurried to his last class so he could tell Sisky about everything before the bell rang.

**********

"Have you lost your fucking mind Beckett?!?" Sisky exclaimed at the end of class. By the time William had gotten to English class there was just enough time for him to blurt out the current events to Sisky before the teacher instructed everyone to go sit in there seats. William had felt a little bad considering Sisky yelled " _Are you fucking kidding me?!?!_ " and continued to look back at William with at look of bewilderment about every minute or so which probably meant he didn't learn much that class. Despite all this William didn't anticipate Adam's reaction. He expected him to be happy that William had finally tried to reach out to Ryan after shutting him out so quickly but he wasn't happy at all. In fact he almost seemed angry with William.

"Why on earth would you do that William? Are you fucking stupid?" He snapped violently. William frowned deeply and rubbed his arm.

"You're the one who told me I needed to forgive him, I thought you'd be happy I was reaching out to him and that I was doing the right thing."

"What you're doing is _not_ the right thing! I said to make amends and forgive him for his faults, not fucking confess your undying love for him and swap spit in the library when you have a boyfriend who will gladly rip Ryan's ass off his body and mount it over his fireplace!"

"I'm planning on breaking up with Gabe anyway, he's too clingy." William said with a shrug.

"You can't do that either! You can't do any of this what's wrong with you? Do you need to go back to the hospital because you're acting like you're sick, sick in the damn head!"

"Well fuck you Sis-"

"Don't even call me that anymore."

"Fine! Fuck you _Adam_ , who are you to say what I can and can't do, I can do whatever the fuck I want and you can't do shit about it okay? It's my life and I'm sick of all you mother fuckers telling me how to live it!"

"If no one tells you how to live you'll fucking die William! You're too weak to handle yourself okay!?!" Adam yelled letting out a defeated sigh when William stared at him and bursted into tears.

"I'm trying okay! You know what, I don't need you! In fact I hate you and I'll make a point to leave you alone so you don't have to worry about telling me how to live anymore, have a good life you asshole!" William screamed as his throat went raw and tears ran down his face. The upset boy quickly ran past his so called 'friend' and to his desk once the bell rang. He grabbed his things and booked it out of the class as fast as he could running out to the courtyard to calm down before he met up with Ryan.

_He was losing everyone and everything._

**********

So, do you want a drink or anything?" Ryan gingerly asked once the settled down at his house. His parents weren't home as usual so it was just him and William sitting there, _alone_.

"Erm, no thanks I'm not really thirsty right now." William replied as polite as possible. He was hoping Ryan wouldn't notice the slight tremble that was in his voice from crying earlier but once he declined anything to drink Ryan grabbed a beer out of his fridge and sat down next to William with a concerned look on his face.

"Something's bothering you I can tell, what's wrong?"

"Nothing me and Adam got into a fight at school." William glumly explained.

"Well it's gotta be pretty serious if you're not even calling him Sisky, what were you guys fighting about?"

"Uh, you...He said that I should stay away from you and that I was being an idiot." William responded. Ryan sighed and took a long sip from his beer before setting it down on the table and wiping his mouth.

"Why would he not want you around me and so what if you were, it's not like he's your dad or something. He can't control your life." Ryan pointed out.

"That's what I said! He got mad at me because I told him all that'd happened since February and how I was going to break up with Gabe but then he-"

"You're breaking up with Gabe? Why would you do that's he's in love with you!" Ryan cried in between another swig of his drink.

"It's just that, I don't know he's too clingy for me. I feel like he's more in love with me than I'm in love with him." William confessed shamefully. Ryan took yet another large gulp out of his beer, finishing it off and grabbing another one from the fridge as he shook his head.

"This isn't about me is it? You aren't fucking yourself over for me again right? I won't let you do this William you're too good for all of this." Ryan objected.

"God it's not about you or anyone else, it's about what I want and for god sakes would you stop drinking so damn much?!?!" William snapped as Ryan ran through his third beer and started his fourth.

"Would you stop worrying so much and it doesn't matter what you want, what matters is what's going to help you succeed in life." Ryan lazily replied.

"You need to think about what you want for the future William, you need to get into a good college and become bigger than this town. I don't want you to end up like me." The older boy said with a pitiful grimace while he downed yet another alcoholic beverage.

"Oh shut up Ryan you're drunk and you don't know what you're talking about." William snapped again only with a little more sorrow in his voice.

"Can I let you in on a little secret?" Ryan said in a hush tone. William wearily nodded.

_This wasn't going to be good._

"After Travie's party I went home and tried to kill myself the next morning." Ryan confessed nonchalantly. William let out a gasp and stared at Ryan in a painful state of shock.

"W-what...No you couldn't have, y-you're drunk! You're making it up!" William said with a choked sob. Ryan smiled sadly as he took off his shirt revealing old laceration scars around his neck. Hot tears pooled in William's eyelids and his vision blurred as he tried to suppress them.

"My sister Cassandra found me and cut me down but if she had come in about five minutes later I would have been dead, too bad I'm not huh?" Ryan chuckled in a bitter tone. The younger of the two snatched his drink out of his hand and clutched it to his chest.

"Ryan don't say that! You need to stop all of this, all of the drinking, the drugs, the self harm, you're going to fucking really kill yourself one day!" William exclaimed.

"That's what I want now give me back my fucking drink!" Ryan yelled attempting to steal his drink from the younger teen's hands. William quickly turned to the side and held the drink out of the elder's reach.

"No! Cut it out Ryan you're fucking shit faced!" William screamed holding the beer above his head. Ryan pounced on top of him and pinned him to the couch staring deep into William's eyes. The younger boy attempted to swallow a nervous lump that was in his throat but didn't quite get there when the look of fury in Ryan's eyes was replaced with something darker, _much darker_. The older of the two licked his lips and William turned away, frozen still within the moment when he felt a pair of warm lips gently touch upon his neck.

"Ryan what are you doing?" He whispered, voice going shaky.

"I just want to try something." The older teen replied before planting a firmer kiss against William's skin and the latter blushed as he let out a quiet groan. Ryan slipped away for a moment and tugged William's shirt off, no longer caring about the half empty beer bottle that was still hanging out of his hand. The honey eyed boy tossed the article of clothing somewhere across the living room before he returned to William's porcelain skin leaving small red patches like he was painting constellations. William moaned and pressed their chest together practically aching for Ryan's touch. At some point Ryan pressed his lips against William's to which the boy wouldn't say he felt sparks because _that's just so clique_ but instead he felt his insides burn. He felt an immense amount of warmth flood his body in such a violent manner that he shuddered and wrapped his arms around Ryan desperately pulling him closer, hoping he was feeling the same way. The elder moved his mouth against William's in sheer primal desperation and began to rock against him, slowly quickening the pace after a few moments.

"R-Ryan. I can't- you can't- y- you're drunk." William stuttered clutching Ryan's hip without exactly stopping him.

"Then stop me, say no and I'll stop." He panted against the shy boy's neck.

"I- you know I can't do that when you're-"

"I'm taking that as a keep going." Ryan huffed rolling his eyes playfully before he began rocking with more urgency. William threw his head back and closed his eyes slowly letting the beer bottle in his hand slip onto the floor. It fell over and spilled but neither of the boys could stop for long enough to care.

"R-Ryan I-I... If you keep doing that I'm gonna-"

"Obviously that's kind of my plan Beckett." Ryan mumbled breathlessly. William shook beneath him little whimpers and moans escaping his mouth as he he let out a few ragged breaths. The older teen smiled letting out a small whine when he finally came to a stop, slowly coming down from his high.

"I shouldn't have-" William started.

"If you're going to say that then go because you already did and it's too late to change it." Ryan snapped defensively.

"I don't want to go anymore." William whispered tangling his legs up in Ryan's.

"Then  _stay_."

**********

 

 


	9. April

When William woke up the next day he felt sick to his stomach. There was dry cum inside his favorite pair of briefs and spit had crusted his cheek while he was sleeping. Ryan was pressed flush against his back spooning him from behind. His long slender legs were tangled into William’s and his arms were instinctively wrapped around his ribcage clutching him desperately while his nose was firmly resting against the base of the younger teen’s neck, taking short anxious little gulps of air as though he had fallen asleep breathing in William’s scent and no longer could live without it. William’s stomach churned and flipped around in his body, he was a dirty whore,  _ a fucking slut _ . He had broken Ryan down into nothing for cheating on him and here he was tangled up in bed with him when he had a boyfriend who was ready to destroy Ryan in an instant. He was a fucking hypocrite, how dare he lay in Ryan’s bed willingly when he knew it would break Gabe’s heart and  _ he knew  _ how that felt. He could feel beads of sweat trickling down his neck while he thought. He had jerked Ryan off last night, trying to pretend that he could drown himself in the older boy and not deal with the rest of the world. His wrist snapped frantically and he cried into Ryan’s shoulder while his hand worked. Ryan told him to stop and he should have. Ryan told him he didn’t have to but the kicker was he wanted to, he wanted to please Ryan in every possible aspect, he wanted to be  _ his _ . Ryan had bitten back moans as William’s tears dropped onto his neck, he felt it odd to express pleasure while someone was expressing pain at the same time but William insisted he let go.  _ “Moan for me, please Ryan I need to know you want it. I need to know you’re real. Let it out for me I want to hear it, I want to be yours, your little slut.”  _ William recalled sobbing into Ryan’s neck. When he came Ryan sat up and kissed William gentle and compassionate still quietly moaning into his mouth. Silent tears rolled down the younger teen’s face as he kissed back because he knew there was no turning back. No blame on anyone but himself and Gabe was going to be  _ so fucking pissed.  _ Not that it mattered because everyone hated William already anyways. He had Gabe had been fighting nonstop since January, Patrick wouldn’t accept William’s apologies anymore after what he had said to him, Brendon was just about fed up with his angsty outburst, and Sis-  _ Adam  _ wanted nothing to do with his broken down whorish ass. Everyone was gone but Ryan and who’s to say that he would stay? William didn’t know him anymore, all he knew is that Ryan was an alcoholic with a bad temper and that he cheated on him,  _ and William’s not even sure that’s true anymore.  _ Ryan had told him straight forward but something seemed off. Ryan looked broken and self loathing whenever he spoke to William once he confessed. William still didn’t know  _ who  _ Ryan had even cheated on him with anyway, not their name, their age, their gender, nothing.

 

All William’s frantic fidgeting and sweating must have woken Ryan up because slowly he stirred awake and wrapped around William a little tighter as he breathed out a sigh. William was both relieved and terrified about the older boy waking up. On one hand he missed Ryan over the months and wanted to catch up with him but on the other hand he didn’t want to ruin everything he had and fall back in love. He figured that either way they had to talk sooner or later but that didn’t help soothe the bundles of nervousness and guilt buzzing in his stomach.

 

“Mornin’ Bill.” Ryan murmured as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. William’s heart dropped in his chest just looking at the doe eyed boy. 

 

_ It was too late to save himself now. _

 

“Ryan I need to ask you a question... “

 

“Sure thing, you alright?” Ryan quizzed looking over and William with concern. The younger of the two nodded ever so slightly and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

 

“Who did you cheat on me with Ryan?” William asked quietly clenching his jaw and squeezing his eyes shut so tears wouldn’t slip out.

 

“I don’t think you want to know the answer to that, look Bill I-”

 

“Don’t you look Bill me, answer my question Ryan. Don’t you think I at least deserve to know who it was, who was better than me?”

 

“He’s not better than you William, look I just don’t want to hurt you-”

 

“You hurt me a long time ago Ryan and the wounds are still fresh so just answer the question while I’m numb.”

 

“You’re going to hate him and me.”

“No I won’t Ryan just tell me!”

 

“That’s what you said last time!” Ryan exclaimed dramatically. The boy choked back tears and put his head in his hands.

 

“That’s what you said before I lost you, I’ll never forget the day you stormed out of here... I sat in front of the door and sobbed while holding your friendship bracelet in my hand. My parents came home and yelled at me because ‘ _ I was crying over some stupid high school crush and that it wasn’t going to work out anyway because I was a faggot and no one likes a fag’.”  _ Ryan quietly wept. William’s heart ached for the older boy, it really did. He knew how it felt to be resented by your family and the fact that Ryan had been kicked while already down was so familiar to William’s personal life that it was uncanny. 

“Ryan I’m sorry that I left but I had to. I was hurt Ryan, you were the only thing I had ever loved or cared for in my life, everything we had was all I’d ever known and to think that the one thing that kept me going had gone toxic was devastating. I never meant to hurt you but I had to protect myself for once. I’m okay now and I want closure Ryan...Who was it?” William asked again with a hopeful expression. Ryan continued sobbing into his hands and shook his head in despair.

 

“I-it...It was B-Brendon.” He confessed. William’s heart broke into a million little fragments of what it once was. Brendon was his  _ best friend,  _ in fact there was a point in time where Brendon was William’s only friend. Why would he do this to him?

 

“No it can’t be! Brendon would never!” William cried ripping Ryan’s hands away from his face. The older boy’s wrist went limp in this grasp and he looked at William with glassy eyes as he frantically explained.

 

“It’s true! After the incident where you passed out at school I got shit faced with Gerard and everyone at this bar and Brendon started hitting on me! I didn’t want to be with him, I wanted you William that’s all I had ever wanted! He bought me all these drinks and kept staring at me! He kept rubbing my thigh and trying to kiss me but I didn’t want him! I woke up in his bed the next morning with no clothes on and he fucking used me William! He brought me home and took me! All I ever wanted was to give you everything I could, a good life, love, friendship,  _ sex, my fucking virginity _ , and he took it all away from me! I’m the school slut now all because I’m a fucking drunk and a pathetic faggot!” Ryan screamed in desperation. It was as though all his energy had been spent holding this in. Ryan slumped forward into William’s chest, shaking and hiccuping with anxiety.

 

“So that motherfucker drugged you and basically raped you?” William spoke with venom in his voice. Ryan clutched onto his shirt and shook his head.

 

“N-no he didn’t realize what he was doing Bill we talked it over and he apologized, he didn’t even know we were dating.” Ryan whimpered his muscles going slack against William’s shirt. The younger boy felt like a monster, this whole time Ryan had been trying to explain, trying to reach out for help and William just swatted him away like a fly on the wall. What made William even more self loathing is that not only did he reject Ryan’s apologies and explanations but he threw himself into the arms of the boy who caused this big mess.

 

_ Travie was right _

 

“Ryan I’m  _ so  _ fucking sorry! I’m sorry I left you!” William exclaimed tugging the older boy into his arms. Ryan sniffled and tucked his face into the crook of William’s neck.

 

“This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been such a drunken bastard, god I’m just like my father!” Ryan cried. William’s heart broke even more while he pressed delicate kisses to the shattered teen’s head, smoothing his hair out of his eyes in an attempt to soothe him.

 

“Don’t you dare blame yourself for this, I’m going to help you Ryan, I’m here. You’ll beat your addiction and I’ll handle Brendon.” William commanded his throat tightening at the end of the sentence.

 

“Please don’t ruin everything you have for me William.”

 

“I’m not ruining anything, I’m putting the pieces together.”

 

**********

 

“So Brendon I’ve been meaning to ask you a question: how long have you and Ryan been friends?” William asked casually. It was two days before prom and he needed to know if he needed to call off the revenge plan and cuss Brendon out, or continue the plan as directed and beg Gabe for forgiveness. 

 

“I wouldn’t say we’re friends, just loose acquaintances.” Brendon sputtered suspiciously.

 

“Oh really because Ryan told me you fucked him while I was away.” William deadpanned expectantly crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“William I swear I-”

“When the fuck were you planning on telling me Brendon? After the countless months of me shit talking a good person, after everything went to shit in two days, perhaps even keep it a secret forever hmm?” William spat viciously. 

 

“Look I didn’t want to lose our friendship-”

 

“So you thought that taking no initiative and letting Ryan take the hit would save our friendship, at least he had the balls to fess up.”

 

“Yeah and look where it got him smart ass, you immediately labeled him as a cheating slut, broke up with him, got a new boyfriend, and started to create an elaborate revenge plan!” Brendon shot back defensively.

 

“Which I wouldn’t have done if I had known what happened!” William exclaimed.

 

“Don’t try to make yourself the victim, you very well could’ve gotten the story if you had listened to Ryan for once instead of waiting for him to take a breath so you could hear yourself talk.” Brendon snarled with a roll of his eyes.

 

“Yeah because what would you have done if right before you were about to have sex with your boyfriend he all of a sudden stopped and confessed to cheating on you while you were  _ at the fucking hospital after starving yourself for weeks _ .” William bit back harshly. Brendon was trying to worm his way around the topic and the older teen was having none of it.

 

“Look William I already fixed this what do you want?” Brendon whined while pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You didn’t fix shit Brendon! Just because you said ‘ _ oops sorry I drugged and raped your boyfriend while you came back from the grave’  _ doesn’t mean you fixed anything! You betrayed me and you fucking disrespected Ryan!” William fumed pushing the boy back a few feet.

 

“I didn’t fucking slip a damn sedative into his drink asshole, I told him I’d pay for his drinks and he agreed without hesitation!”

 

“He’s a fucking alcoholic Brendon he couldn’t say no!”

 

“Well  how the fuck was I supposed to know that?!?! All I knew is that I bought him a few beers and then he asked to come back to my house and have me fuck him so that’s what I did!” Brendon seethed as he came forward and pushed William back.

“You fucking piece of shit!” William cursed lunging forward and punching Brendon straight in the mouth. Brendon’s head was forced sideways because of the impact and he slowly turned to face William once again while he rubbed his mouth.

 

“You’re a fucking pig Brendon, I’m disappointed to be honest, I didn’t think you were pathetic enough to get people drunk for a quick lay.”

 

“I didn’t have to get him drunk he did it himself and yeah it was a quick lay, Ryan only lasted about two minutes until he tightened around  _ my dick _ and came all over  _ my bed  _ while moaning  _ my name.”  _ Brendon jeered disrespectfully. William grabbed the smaller boy by the collar of his shirt and threw him up against the lockers so he was pinned there at eye level. William isn’t very strong but then again Brendon isn’t very heavy either.

 

“Listen you little prick you fucking stay away from Ryan. He’s not just a lay he’s a fucking person with feelings and if I so much as hear a peep out of you about him not only am I going to kick your ass but I’ll tell your parents about your underage drinking, I’ll tell Ian you cheated on him, I’ll tell the police about Ian after he beats the shit out of you, and I’ll make the rest of your pathetic life a living fucking hell.” William warned dropping the younger boy onto the ground after he was finished with his threat. Brendon sat crumpled against the lockers in fear as William walked out of the school and got into the car. He was fuming and couldn’t wait to wrap himself around Ryan and shelter him. Ryan wasn’t just a quick lay; he was a beautiful boy, he had porcelain skin and caramel eyes that made William feel like he was on cloud nine whenever they were together. His skin burned whenever Ryan touched him, his heart stopped whenever Ryan looked at him, his world was complete whenever Ryan smiled. Ryan was more than just a quick lay; he was everything to William, his first love, his  _ only love _ , his moon, his stars, his sun, his world, his universe,  _ his heart. _

 

**********

 

_ “Gabe we need to talk.” _ William practiced in the mirror.

 

“ _ Gabe there’s something I have to tell you.”  _ No that wasn’t good enough.

 

_ “Gabe there’s someone else.”  _ That sounded terrible.

 

_ “Gabe I-” _

 

“Hey Bill I brought your tux for tonight!” An excited voice called from the living room. William quickly flew down the stairs and crashed into Gabe covering his mouth with his hand before the boy could yell again.

 

“Gabe shut the fuck up before my mom comes down here and kicks my ass.” William seethed through a whisper. Gabe put his hands up in surrender chuckling under William’s palm.

 

“Sorry, I guess I’m kind of excited for tonight. You’re gonna look great and it’ll be the best night ever!” Gabe exclaimed quietly as the crept up the stairs and to William’s room praying that his mother wouldn’t wake up.

 

“About tonight, I’m calling off the revenge plan.” William stated nervously. Gabe turned and looked at him in pure shock and slight disappointment.

 

“What why? I already set everything up in the gym and the bucket of cat piss is already in my trunk.” Gabe whined in confusion.

 

_ If William was going to confess now would be the time. _

 

“I don’t know, I mean it was pretty shitty what happened between me and Ryan but it wasn’t all him. I haven’t been the best and-”

 

“Is this because Patrick chickened out about Pete and now they’re all buddy buddy?” Gabe interrupted disinterestedly.

 

“No but I-”

 

“So it must be about Brendon then, look don’t listen to him he’s all fucked up in the head because of Ian and-”

 

“No Gabe it wasn’t because of Brendon.” William snapped feeling his blood boil at the mention of the boy’s name.

 

“Well that leaves Sisky then which still isn’t that much better. Sisky hasn’t fucked or dated anyone ever so I don’t know why he feels the need to try and stick his nose into your love life. His tips are fucking stupid and-”

 

“Gabe would you shut the fuck up it wasn’t because of anyone it was my fucking decision.” William seethed. Gabe looked at him with a deeper expression of confusion and crossed his arms while he waited for an explanation.

 

“Two wrongs don’t make a right Gabriel. Getting payback on Ryan in front of the whole school isn’t going to make any positive changes nor is it going to make me feel any better. The whole school already hates him anyway so there’s no need to do anything, what’s done is done.” William sighed.

 

“So what, are you two friends or some shit now?” Gabe inquired bitterly.

 

“No and so what if we were?” William growled.

 

“I don’t want you hanging around with him, he’s a fucking reckless piece of shit.” Gabe deadpanned.

 

“You don’t get to choose who the fuck I want to hang out with Gabe, you don’t own me and don’t call him a reckless piece of shit, just because you are doesn’t mean he is.”

 

“Well I’m your fucking boyfriend so I should at least get some say and how the fuck am I a reckless piece of shit I fucking wait on you like a slave.”

 

“No you don’t that was a bullshit lie Gabe and you know it! You don’t pay attention to me all you do is go get drunk with Gerard and all your stupid friends, then you invite me over and get pissed off when I don’t let you fuck me! At least Ryan took my virginity seriously and never tried to pressure me into doing anything unlike you! All you want is sex at least he loved me!” William snapped back.

 

“Ryan this, Ryan that! Why the fuck are you defending him?!”

 

“Because I love him!” William screamed. Gabe's face dropped and he looked at William with zero emotion throwing his tux on the floor. 

 

“I fucking knew it. Take your fucking tux, we’re over. Oh and have fun sucking Ross’ tiny dick you slut.” Gabe said in a hollow tone before turning on his heals and leaving the room.

 

_ And the truth comes out. _

 

**********

 

William didn't know why he still bothered going to prom but none the less he showed up and it was a terrible idea to say the least. First of all Gabe had bought him an extra snug tux  _ for obvious reasons  _ and William still felt very self conscious about his body. Second of all, he was certain that the whole friend group was aware of what he had said to Gabe just a few hours before because when he finally did make his appearance the semi circle of partial outcasts gawked at him as to say “ _ I can't believe you had the audacity to show your face after what you did.” _

 

_ “ _ H-hey guys...You all look very nice.” William sputtered.

 

“Oh so are you a slut for everyone besides me? Throwing compliments left and right but I'm nothing but dirt?” Gabe snapped as he glared at William. 

 

“Gabe please not in front of everyone, c'mon there's no need for drama.” William desperately pleaded.

 

“It's not like they don't know Beckett and besides, I think you need to get taken down a couple pegs. You're becoming nothing but a scrawny little white boy that's overstepped his boundaries and thinks he can get away with it because he's an anorexic emo with a fucking psychotic mom and a deadbeat dad who-”

 

“Gabe would you fucking shut up? If you guys got beef deal with it privately don't come bringing up personal shit in public like that man its fucking rude.” Travie aggressively interjected as he gave Gabe a hard slug in the shoulder. William nodded thankfully at Travie and rubbed his misty eyes with the back of his hand.

 

“What are you going to fucking cry again William? God you're such and little bitch, every fucking argument we got into you would go mental and as soon as I called you on your shit you would ball yours eyes out like a little piss baby. I'm so glad I'm done with you to be honest, all you were was dead weight and it's not like you had put out or done anything useful.” Gabe sneered. William hugged himself in embarrassment ready to watch Travie blow his fuse again when all of a sudden a silky voice came up from behind him.

 

“Yknow talking about him like he's a piece of meat just makes you look like a giant asshole right?” William was never so happy to see Ryan pick a fight in all his life.

 

“Says the king of assholes over here. What are you gonna do about it tranny? Fucking hit me?” Gabe prodded. Ryan's face went pale and he blushed furiously as the rest of the group quietly judged him.

 

“Tranny?” Gerard piped up in curiosity.

 

“No-”

 

“Well I mean basically, fucking look at him he’s always wearing makeup and girl’s jeans to school.” Gabe jeered triumphantly. Ryan blushed harder and clenched his fists.

 

“Oh so does that mean we’re fucking trannies too Gabe?” Pete snarled gesturing at Mikey and himself.

 

“Or what about me huh?” Gerard asked in a sharp tone while resting his hands on his hips. Gabe loosened his tie and cleared his throat.

 

“Well not really you guys but definitely Ross over here, probably William too I caught him wearing a skirt once.” Gabe told. William’s eyes widened in shock and he stood embarrassed as the group silently looked at him for confirmation.

 

“Yeah you know what I did wear a fucking skirt and you wanna know what happened when I did? Gabe fucking climbed ontop of me and told me all about the fucking crossdressing kink he has!” William blabbed with a smirk. Gabe gawked in bewilderment at his friends while everyone awkwardly shifted from foot to foot.

 

“Maybe think before you open your big mouth Saporta, oh and by the way you shouldn't use Transgender as an insult that's really disrespectful.” Ryan snapped glaring at Gabe in pure anger. The tan boy stepped down and excused himself to get a drink but not before purposely bumping shoulders with Ryan.

 

“I’m sorry about him Ryan he’s just jealous of you-”

 

“Drop it I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Ryan snapped storming off into the crowd. William felt a bit upset but brushed it off and made awkward conversation with Travie for the time being.

 

**********

 

Despite the rocky start prom was going fantastically well. William hadn’t seen Ryan since he stormed off and that was starting to worry him but other than that he was having a great time. He was gulping down punch, dancing with his friends, and for once in his life he felt  _ normal _ . He wasn’t sure if that was good or not but he knew it definitely felt better than the twist that his stomach did when the principal announced that prom king and queen would be announced soon.

 

“Fuck, Travie we have to go find Ryan.” William whispered while he squeezed his friend’s arm in desperation. Travie slowly removed William’s death grip and patted him on the back to try and ease his nerves.

 

“Why, what’s the matter baby boy?” The taller boy quizzed calmly. William huffed anxiously and tugged Travie’s ear to his lips.

 

“Gabe’s gonna fuck with Ryan to get back at me!” He murmured in fear. Travie stood back a little and processed the information.

 

“So you mean Gabe is using the revenge plan that you created to get revenge on Ryan to still get revenge on him but also on you for not fucking him or whatever?” Travie said in a slow confused manner. William nodded and tugged Travie’s hand in urgency.

 

“Yeah so we have to get going and find Ryan because shit’s about to hit the fan.”

 

“Damn man I never knew that prom season would be such a vengeful time at barrington high.”

 

“That sounded like a fucking newspaper headline Travis, anyway let’s go.”

 

**********

 

It was five minutes before prom king and queen were to be announced and there was still no sign of Ryan. If he was lucky he would’ve gone home after the incident with Gabe but William had a bad feeling that Ryan was still somewhere in the building. As much as he hated to do it William had Brendon tag along with him and Travie as they looked for Ryan but none of the boys could seem to spot him anywhere. William’s heart was leaping out of his chest. He needed to warn Ryan, he needed to get him out of here before everything went to shit again. Sadly, it was too late, William froze in his tracks as the principal grabbed the mic and informed everyone that the envelopes would now be opened for prom king and queen. All three boys gazed at each other in a panic as the scene unraveled before them. It was a heart stopping moment as the names were read out loud.

 

“ _ Prom queen: Victoria Asher, Prom king: Ryan Ross.”  _ The crowd of students roared with applause. William literally thought he was going to throw up. His knees were weak and he wanted to scream as Ryan walked onto the stage. He honestly did try to but he just ended up running towards Ryan as fast as he could. He could see Gabe smirking down at him from the rafters and he knew it was going to be close, he wasn’t sure if he was even going to make it but it was worth a shot. Victoria and Ryan stood up on the stage awkwardly as they waited to be crowned and such as William sprinted to the stage. The crowns were placed on their heads and William leapt up onto the stage as a bucket dropped from the rafters.

 

“Ryan! Ryan run!” He screamed as he ran towards the older boy. Ryan started back at him in shock but didn’t move in time. William tackled him out of the way but it was really no use, both of them were  _ drenched  _ in cat piss. The crowd of students went silent and Victoria looked at both boys in horror as the metal bucket rattled on the floor.

 

“Where did that come from? Who did this?!” The principal seethed as he shouted out at the student body. William looked up into the rafters and made eye contact with Gabe he quickly blew a cynical kiss at him before slipping into the darkness. Ryan started up at William with glassy eyes and his bottom lip jutted out like a child who lost his mother. The younger teen shook his head and wiped away the silent tears that formed in the eyes of the boy beneath him. 

 

“Ryan I-”

 

“Get off of me.” The older of the two whispered in a broken voice.

 

“Ryan please let me just-”

 

“I said get the fuck off of me!” Ryan exclaimed shoving William away and running off of the stage. William got up a few moments after and chased after him, surprised when a long arm came up and stopped him,

 

“Bill, let him go I think he needs to cool off.” Travie stated sadly. William sighed in frustration and stormed off out of the building clenching his jaw the whole way.

 

**********

 

William took note that even though it was April the night was still cold. The hot air he exhaled didn’t come out in a thick white wisp but it was definitely cold enough to make him involuntarily shake, not that he wasn’t shaking before that anyway. He was  _ fucking livid _ , there were so many emotions running through him as he started off into the clear night sky. He was angry, hurt, scared, sad, upset, everything that wasn’t happy. He couldn’t believe Gabe would be so shallow as to humiliate Ryan in front everyone and for what? A lay he was never going to get? William couldn’t believe he had been so open to trust him, this whole time Gabe had showered him with compliments and admiration not to be a loving boyfriend or a good person but to get in his pants! Gabe knew so much about him and it made William uneasy but that was beyond the point, He hurt Ryan, the poor boy had already gone through enough but this might have been the thing to completely seal the deal. Ryan was just waiting to escape and William wasn’t sure if he could change the older teen’s mind if an opportunity came up.

 

“I just want to go home, I don’t want to be here anymore!”

 

“Well too fucking bad Brendon no one cares what you want!” William perked up  little on the sidewalk.

 

_ Oh great just what he needed, the abusive asshole of the year Ian Crawford. _

 

“Ian I’m tired of this! We’re not even together anymore so just stop following me would you?!?! You need to get help or something because you’re insane and I can’t take it anymore!” William heard Brendon’s masculine voice scream furiously. Suddenly the shouting stop and a quiet  _ “What are you doing”  _ was mumbled before the screams returned.

 

“Ian! I- you- you! Why did you have that! Why would you do this?!?! Oh god he’s fucking bleeding everywhere you son of a bitch!” Brendon shrieked hysterically. William stood up and ran around the corner, almost passing out when he saw a body lying on the ground while clutching their abdomen. The baffled teen turned and looked at Ian who held a bloody knife in his hands, then to Brendon who was kneeling beside the body and shakily reporting the incident to 911, and then finally to the body. 

_ The pale, pale body of Adam T. Siska. _


	10. May

May

If William had known Sisky was going to die the way he had and when he had the younger of the two would’ve never let him near a knife.

The hospital was crowded,the rooms smelt like antiseptic and thickly waxed linoleum floors. The television in the corner hummed softly with game shows and the heart monitor beat slowly in the background. There was no dramatic pause when Adam T. Siska left the world. A nurse stood by the bed and called for a doctor as the heart monitor beeped less and less often until it hit a flatline. William stared at the body before him. The body of 18 year old Adam T. Siska lay cold and pale in front of him, breathing tubes in his mouth and IV needles buried in his arms. He could remember everything he said, remembered when they first met and through all of this he never thought he would see the end so soon. He recalled when he made his first slip up. It was a crisp Saturday afternoon and William had gotten beaten up by Bert McCracken after school for coming out as gay. His nose was bleeding everywhere and he kept crying about how sick of it he was and how he couldn’t wait to get out of this town. Sisky stayed silent the whole time until William finished and then replied “Let the memories count the miles and never be forgotten.” The younger of the two still didn’t quite get the meaning behind the words but he found it wise and comforting which is how everything always was when he was with Adam. He just couldn’t believe he was dead, he couldn’t believe he watched him go that afternoon. Sisky’s parents weren’t in the room as they were discussing options to help their son recover when it all happened. The heartbroken teen stood there alone and watched, he watched as his best friend's eyes flickered behind his eyelids before settling, he memorized the little twitch he fingers did, the way his chest caved inwards, the small exhale, and most of all he would never forget holding Adam’s hand, feeling helpless as the elder’s fingers slipped through his and rested on the hospital bed. Not much mattered after that but William vaguely remembers dropping to his knees and dry heaving through his sobs as he screamed for his friend to come back. He knew there wasn’t any point in breaking down but he couldn’t get a hold of himself until more nurses came back in and pulled him out of the room.

“Get your fucking hands off of me! I want to go back in there, I want to see him!” William cried kicking his feet as the nurses restrained him.

“I’m sorry sir but we don’t think you’re fit to be in there right now, besides his family might want to have some alone time-” 

“I don’t give a fuck what they want! That’s my fucking best friend in there now let me go!” The disoriented teen shouted as he kicked harder.

“Sir we don’t-”

“Stop calling me sir I’m seventeen years old! I swear to god you have until I count to three to let me go or I’ll-” 

“Sorry to interrupt but we actually need him down at the station for questioning so you need to let him go.” A soothing female voice stated from a few feet away. A thin woman with long blonde hair stood with her arms crossed over her chest giving William a small sympathetic smile.

“Oh of course Sheriff Salpeter.” One of the nurses said as they quickly escorted William to his feet. The boy shoved the two women away and briskly walked over to the town sheriff as she led him outside to the cruiser.

“I need to be with Sisky and his family.” William snapped at the officer. The woman turned back and looked at him with a studious glance before continuing forward.

“Your friend is dead, now you can either go back there and stare at his corpse until they take it away or you can come down to the station and identify who did this, it’s your choice.” William looked at the officer in a shocked silence before putting his head down and following her to the cruiser. Once to the vehicle he sat in the backseat and strapped himself in, dreading the moment where he was going to have to look his best friend’s killer in the face and say “He’s the one, he killed Adam.”

**********

“He’s not here.” William murmured under his breath. Officer Salpeter looked at him in confusion and then turned back to the one way window with a puzzled look on her face.

“What do you mean he’s not here? This is everyone in the area that fits the profile described.”

“Lady I’m telling you he isn’t fucking here, what’s your so called ‘profile’ anyway?” William snapped without breaking his focus on the men up for conviction. The sheriff huffed out a sigh and pulled out a clipboard with all the information she had gathered on it.

“Dark brown hair, neatly kept, 5’9, energetic, loud, and friendly.” The women rattled off.

“That doesn’t describe the kid at all, that describes Brendon Urie.”

“Was Brendon there that night?”

“He was.”

“Are you sure he has nothing to do with the murder?”

“Brendon didn’t kill Adam, Brendon’s the one who called the cops.”

“Well then...who did it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated this in forever, I want to finish this by January 4th so we'll see if I make the deadline. Once this is over the sequel will be following it shortly so keep your eyes peeled


	11. June

“They still haven’t found him.” William ranted. It had been weeks since he was brought down to the police station for questioning and they still hadn’t found Ian. No one could ever understand how much it hurt him knowing that he had looked his best friend’s killer right in the face and didn’t do anything. The pain was indescribable going to graduation knowing that his best friend was merely weeks away from graduating and had it all taken from him. No one could ever fathom what it felt like going to Sisky’s funeral when they still hadn’t found Ian, at this point William didn’t know if they ever would and it was eating him alive.

 

“I know, it's killing me Bill. I should be the one dead right now, this is all my fault.” Brendon sniffed as he spoke in a broken monotone.

 

“What do you mean?” The older of the two inquired.

 

“Sisky jumped in front of me when Ian stabbed him, he was going to stab me... “

 

“...Brendon...What happened?”

 

“...I had been dancing with Gerard and Frank for a little while but I got kind of tired so I went out for some fresh air figuring the cold would fire me up y’know? Anyway I was standing up against the wall when I felt a hand cover my mouth. By the time I turned my head Ian had pushed me up against the brick wall of the school. I tried to get away but he had my legs locked together between his and his free hand was around my wrists...He started kissing me all over, on my neck, under my ear, on my shoulders... I tried to yell but he got rough. He started pulling my hair and grinding on me, he told me he was going to show me what happens when I try to leave him...H-he-”

 

“Brendon you don’t have to keep going I-”

 

“It just got worse. I knew that he was going to hurt me either way so I just did what he said but then...Then he started to unbuckle my belt. William if Sisky wasn’t there that night I think Ian would’ve raped me... “

 

“Please stop, Bren you don’t have to keep talking about-”

 

“No I need to get it out, I have to tell someone! He let go of my mouth and I knew that he was gonna beat the shit out of me if I tried to scream so I attempted to reason with him. I told him that I just wanted to leave and go home but he wasn’t buying it. I got frustrated and started yelling at him to see maybe it would stir up enough attention for a teacher or someone to come out. Of course he hit me which is to be expected but I didn’t realize how hard he was going to do it. He slapped me across the mouth and repeatedly hit my head off the brick wall, my vision started getting blurry and I remember he dropped me and I started slipping down to the pavement when Sisky turned the corner...He looked furious and immediately grabbed him and started screaming in his face. Ian shoved him back really far and that’s when he pulled out the knife. I got up as best I could and tried to stop him but then he pulled the knife on me. I started to reason with him and maybe convince him to put it down but he was furious. The knife grazed through my suit jacket before Adam shoved me to the ground...H-his blood was everyone William...He got so cold so quick out there, h-his eyes- his eyes were so cloudy Bill, it’s like he was already dead. It should’ve been me-”

 

“Brendon don’t say that! Neither of you should’ve been in that situation-”

 

“I should be dead William! I fucking deserve it! After all the shit I’ve done, after all the chaos I’ve caused! I don’t belong here!”

 

“Brendon you do belong here, you belong here just as much as anyone else!” William cried.

 

“No he’s right, he doesn’t belong here. Do me a favor and get out for a while Brendon, I need to talk to William alone.” The voice of familiar face interrupted. William looked at Brendon in disbelief for a moment. Brendon stared back at him before clearing his throat and stepping away from the lockers. William couldn’t describe how shocked he was to see Ryan standing in front of him with soft brown curls and a thick headband around his forehead. The younger of the two sprinted to him and enveloped the tall young man in a bone crushing hug.

 

“Ryan why are you in school right now you’ve graduated!” William mumbled into the older boy’s shoulder. He hadn’t seen Ryan since late may and hadn’t even spoken to him since prom night despite his efforts.

 

“I wanted to come say goodbye.” Ryan said in a monotone manner. William giggled a bit a loosened his grip.

 

“No need to come to school for that, I can see you on break or I could’ve just met up with you after school. Is there some stuff you need to pack before you head off to college?” William quizzed eagerly. The older of the two gently pushed him away and looked at him with heartbroken eyes.

 

“There’s no time for that, I’ve got to catch a plane in a few hours.”

 

“Going to visit some relatives...?” William asked hopefully even though he knew what was coming.

 

“No Bill...I’m leaving Illinois.”

 

“But you’ll be back right?” The younger boy asked as he feebly tried to hold back tears.

 

“...No...I’m moving out west, for good.”

 

“But Ryan I-”

 

“Bilvy please don’t make this any harder than-”

 

“Shut the fuck up Ryan, how dare you call me that right now! You couldn’t have even waited for the summer to roll around? You had to leave when there’s all this shit going on?”

 

“This  _ shit  _ is not  _ my problem _ William.”

 

“So you don’t care that Sisky is fucking dead?” William blunty shot back. Both boys stood in silence before Ryan looked up and gazed indignantly into William’s eyes.

 

“This would’ve never happened if you didn’t do all of this to get back at me. Ian went after Brendon at prom because he found out that he cheated from Gabe. Gabe would’ve never told him that if you hadn’t fucked everything up by dating him and you wouldn’t have dated him if you didn’t leave me and you wouldn’t have left me if you had let me explain myself.” Ryan deadpanned.

 

“...And I wouldn’t have needed to hear an explanation if you hadn’t slept with Brendon when you were drunk, and you wouldn’t have slept with Brendon when you were drunk if you didn’t always try to drink away your problems-”

 

“And there’s no need for me to drink away my problems if I don’t have any which is why I’m leaving for good.”

 

“Running away isn’t going to solve anything Ryan and you know that!” William cried desperately. Ryan sighed and shook his head.

 

“I’m not running away from my problems, don’t you get it Bill? I want to be bigger than this town! I’m leaving so I can be bigger than Barrington and you should do the same!” Ryan shouted. His eyes welled up with tears and William covered his mouth to stop himself from crying.

 

“I have to go...I’m going to miss my flight... “ Ryan whispered softly. The tall young man leaned forward gently kissed William on the lips.

 

“I love you Bill.”

 

“If you loved m-me you wouldn’t l-leave me.” William cried into Ryan’s shoulder. The older of the two kissed his forehead before breaking their embrace and walking out of the school. The shattered teen stood by himself for a few moments, gathering his thoughts before he decided to skip the rest of his classes, maybe even the rest of the week. After all it was the end of the year. He had five days left including the day he was currently in the middle of ditching so he decided he would just completely disappear for the end of the year.

 

_ He doesn’t need to be bigger than Barrington. _

_ He’ll never be bigger than Barrington. _


	12. July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter OH MY GOD I'M CRYING! Also sorry that this chapter is really short but it's basically just a way to get to the next chapter lol.

 

“You’re doing  _ what?! _ ” 

 

“I’m leaving, I’ve finally gotten in contact with your father and he said he’ll take me back.” William’s mother said with excitement. William smiled back at her for probably the first time in his life.

 

“That’s great mom! We’ll be able to sort out all this shit and become a family, where is dad?” The boy quizzed with glee. His mother laughed as she dropped some money on the floor along with the house keys.

 

“Don’t be stupid William, you’re not coming with me.”

 

“What, w-what do you mean I’m not going with you?”

 

“Your father doesn’t want you, that’s why he left in the first place! He told me that since you're seventeen now you can legally live alone as long as I sort it out in court. Everything is in order and since your father is rich I quit my job, you can have all the money I’ve been saving over the years but that’s it, I’m leaving tonight.” The boy’s mother said with a triumphant smile.

 

“So you’re just going to leave me here alone?”

 

“Yup, I don’t even have to buy a plane ticket or anything because as it turns out you’re father lives right in Chicago!”

 

“...Wow.” William sighed brokenly as he sat down on the couch. On one hand he was relieved that all of the abuse would be over but on the other hand...he would be alone,  _ again. _

 

“Anyway I’ve already packed my things and put them in the car as I’m sure you can see so I’ll just be on my way.” His mother smiled sadistically as she picked up her purse and walked out the front door. The 17 year old stared at the floor of the empty house, wondering where his life went wrong and what he was to do next. He had no job, no money other than the few thousands his mother had left, no car, no boyfriend (unless he wanted to go crawling back to Gabe), and absolutely no idea what the hell he was going to do. Where was he going to get a job? How was he going to afford this house? It seemed as though the world was watching him as he sank deeper and deeper into a tar pit he could never escape.

 

“What’s the fucking point, why am I even alive?!?!” William shouted pushing over the bookshelf next to him.

 

“There is no fucking God! There’s no higher power out there watching out for me, I’ve been here fending for myself this whole damn time!” He yelled a bit louder breaking his mother’s vases that she left behind.

 

“...How does he think he’ll be bigger than Barrington?...How does she think this man will treat her?” The tall boy whispered to himself, now aware that he was kneeling on the floor, glass ripping through is jeans and scraping against his skin. He laid there in silence, not sure how the rest of his high school experience would go nevermind the rest of his life. 

 

_ “This is what I get for having vendetta.” _

 

**********

 

“Hey, have you seen William around? I know you guys still haven’t recovered from your little blow out a few months ago but I haven’t seen him in days and I’m getting kind of worried.” Brendon explained as he walked up to Patrick’s porch. The small strawberry blonde turned to him and shook his head politely as he shut his front door behind him.

 

“Nah man. Last I heard he was talking to Ryan or something.” The short boy replied with a shrug.

 

“How did you know he talked to Ryan?”

 

“Gabe told me.”

 

“What? How the fuck does Gabe know about that?”

 

“I don’t know man, he said he was coming out of the bathroom and almost died laughing when he saw William sobbing into Ryan’s shoulder.” Patrick recalled with a small frown. Brendon shook his head angrily and glared down the street like he could picture Gabe standing there in the school with his sickening smirk.

 

“God he’s such a dick!” Brendon exclaimed. Patrick shrugged again and pulled down his trucker cap.

 

“Well I mean William did hurt his feelings.” The shorter of the two trailed off.

 

“Hurt his feelings? More like hurt his ego, Gabe is just mad because he couldn’t get in William’s pants-”

 

“Can you blame him? I mean...William did kind of use him as a rebound and lead him on a little don’t you think?”

 

“Dude whose side are you on?” Brendon snapped in a defensive tone, Patrick looked up from the wooden steps and stared at Brendon with hurt in his eyes.

 

“I’m not on anyone’s side! It’s not like either of them give a shit about me so why should I act like they’re my friends?!”

 

“Woah I’m sorry man I didn’t think-”

 

“You didn’t think what? Think that I would be mad? Think that I would start sticking up for myself? Yeah well me neither but that’s the way I am now so get used to it.” The shorter of the two replied as he stormed back into his house and shut the door. Brendon pinched the bridge of his nose. The group of friends he had known for so long was falling apart and he felt as though he was the leading domino. Granted none of the things he had done were intentional but he felt older and wiser now, something that he would have valued at the beginning of the year. Brendon could only imagine what the summer had in store for the group let alone the next school year. All he knew is that the air was hot as hell and his mother would be breathing down his neck soon about dinner if he didn’t start to make his way back home. With a heavy heart the 16 year old trudged down the street, kicking rocks as he went. Nothing was in his hands anymore and only fate could decide what was in store for him now.

  
_ He had a feeling it was going to be a long summer. _


	13. August

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never thought I'd see the end.

 

“Daylight in my mind faded... “

 

“Dude what the hell are you talking about?”

 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do Bren... “

 

“What do you mean Bill?”

 

“He’s gone, he moved out west.” The younger boy mumbled profanities under his breath as he listened to the story.

 

“Jesus christ William just call him and ask if you can go out and visit sometimes! I really don’t see the big deal in this.”

 

“Do you really think I’m that stupid Brendon? I tried calling him and some random dude answered telling me I had the wrong number. Ryan must have changed his number or lost his phone.”

 

“Oh, sorry.” The shorter boy quickly stated. William plopped down on his couch and signalled for Brendon to sit next to him. The younger of the two quickly scurried over and sat beside him with his head on William’s shoulder.

 

“Y’know, I think you should talk to Patrick dude.” Brendon suggested quietly. The taller boy shrugged and paused for a moment before he answered.

 

“And why is that?” He quizzed.

 

“I don’t know he’s just really alone right now, I think he needs some good friends around him.” The younger teen said with caution.

 

“Well that makes two of us.” William griped.

 

“William it isn’t about you. I get that you’re obviously upset about some shit right now but you have to consider what got you into this mess in the first place.”

 

“Oh and what could that be all mighty Brendon Urie?!?!” The older of the two spat sarcastically. The boy with darker hair narrowed his eyes and turned to fully face his friend.

 

“This is what I’m talking about, you’re selfish and you’re fucking rude as hell. You don’t want to be alone but you sit here on a high horse and blame everyone but yourself for your problems.”

 

“Oh now do I? Please tell me more Brendon because you definitely know more about my life than I do.”

 

“Stop with the attitude William! God you’re older than me but you act like a goddamn child!”

 

“I act like a child? You’re the one that used to follow Ian around like he was your mother!” The tall boy snapped back.

 

“I had to or he would fucking beat the shit out of me!”

 

“You could have easily called the cops, face it Brendon you do all of this for attention.” William accused as he crossed his arms over his chest in a defensive manner. Brendon looked at William in shock before putting on a knowing smirk.

 

_He had more ammunition and he knew it._

 

“And I suppose that’s why you didn’t call the cops on your mother then?” Brendon inquired. A pang of rage hammered against the inside of the paler boy as he thought of something to say back.

 

“You act like I told you guys that happened. You all just assumed what was going on, I didn’t blurt out ‘ _I’m being abused!’_ from the top of my lungs like you did.”

 

“Oh please like it wasn’t obvious William. The black eyes-”

 

“Ryan.”

 

“The busted lips-”

 

“Ryan again.”

 

“The fingertip shaped bruises on the back of your neck all the-”

 

“Those were also Ryan.”

 

“Okay so was the road burn on your face and legs on the first day of school from Ryan again? Or did you just happen to ‘fall’ like all the other times?” Brendon asked with venom in his voice. A lump formed in William’s throat, he knew that Brendon had him right where he wanted him. It was going to be hard to get out of this one.

  


“...I.”

 

“Bill, tell me the goddamn truth.”

 

“Brendon I’m telling you she didn’t-”

 

“William! I’m fucking serious!”

 

“Br-Brendon I swear...I-she-”

 

“If you don’t tell me what really happened right now I swear to god I’m leaving.”

 

“Okay, okay she fucking pushed me off the porch! Are you happy now? I don’t understand what satisfaction comes out of you all knowing my damn business! My life is not your concern Brendon!”

 

“How do you expect people to be your friends if they don’t know anything about you Bill?” Brendon inquired softly.

 

“You think you’re my friend? Friends don’t fuck their friends’ boyfriends, friends don’t pressure the people they’re supposed to care about into telling them things they aren’t comfortable with sharing, and friends sure as hell don’t make each other feel like shit every time they hang out!” William exclaimed, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. Brendon hunched forward on the couch with his head in his hands and heaved out a sigh.

 

“Bill I’m trying...We’re all trying so damn hard. You’re trying, Patrick’s trying, Ryan’s trying, even Gabe is trying here. I know this life is hard Bill but we’re gonna get through this-”

 

“Brendon please stop lying to yourself, I’ve been telling myself for years that my life would get easier. I thought that if I could just hang on everything would get better and guess what Brendon? It doesn’t and won’t.”

 

“William I promise you’ll be fine.”

 

“I could kid myself into thinking that I’m fine but I think it’s about time we all stop lying to ourselves don’t you agree?”

 

“I’m not lying William things are changing, and for once that might actually be okay.”

 

“Nothing is okay Brendon! You may have a picture perfect life but I don’t! Ryan’s gone and my mother just fucking abandoned me with this house, no car, no job, and hardly any money!”

 

“You should know that my life is not picture perfect! I don’t know why you think you’re even the slightest bit entitled to say that right now!”

 

“Well it’s better than mine Brendon!”

 

“Yeah and there’s plenty people way less fortunate than you William so stop being so fucking self centered!”

 

“I can be self centered if I want Brendon because you know what? I don’t know any of those ‘ _less fortunate’_ people. _Their_ shit is not _my problem._

 

“How about Sisky huh? Fucking dead at 18 a few months before graduation for saving someone else’s life and you’re going to look me in the goddamn eyes and tell me you’re less fortunate?!”

 

“...You know what Brendon...get out.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You heard what I said, you need to leave.”

 

“William c’mon you can’t just-”

 

“No Brendon get out! Just get the fuck out of my damn house! You fucking pry and pry until I want to pull my hair out! I can’t do this anymore!” William shouted as he stood up and put his hands over his ears. Brendon grabbed his arm to try and calm him down but William shoved him away, causing the younger boy to stumble backwards and hit his head on the old coffee table. Brendon sat dazed on the floor for a moment, slowly touching his fingertips to the back of his head and staring horrified at the crimson liquid that dripped down his fingers.

 

“Brendon are you okay? I swear I didn’t mean to-”

 

“Y’know what William? You’re right...I should get going.” The shorter of the two murmured quietly as he stood up with shaking legs and exited the house, without another word. William felt himself break out into a cold sweat as he grabbed his journal from upstairs. He _needed_ to write. Not something original but something he had read before somewhere. Something that reminded him of how this story started:

  
  
  


_“What are those? What are those deep gleaming spheres that I stare into? What are those heavenly orbs that I long for sometimes? If I look at them too much I get lost, I get drawn into the wondrous black holes that lie in the middle of the most beautiful galaxy. But what are they? What are those calculating marbles that flicker in thought? What are those dazzling stars that I see blinking back at me? Why do they sparkle? Why do they shine? Why do the twinkle like the most distant lights that I see in the sky when the dark hovers above? What are they? Sometimes at night when the moon is hiding and the clouds blanket every little dot in the sky I can still stay awake and see them if I think hard enough. If I close my eyes and think of them I can see the golden kaleidoscopes turning and twisting when the light shines at different angles. I can still see the flecks of sparkling orange topaz that shimmer like the scales of a fairytale dragon. When the tides turn they burn like the embers of the hottest fire, flames reaching out like tree branches. When it grows darker however they dull, they dull like the useless silverware in the china cabinet because that is how they perceive themselves. Those prismatic anomalies however are the world to me...But what are they? I think they’re called eyes. Well those eyes show indeed, they show like no other pair has shown before. Never has turquoise, nor aquamarine, nor any diamond shown like these memories encased in amber. I wish I did not love them, I wish that they were mine.”_

  
_~Envy_

 

**_END_ **

**_All fictional characters are only physically based on real life people and do not actually portray the real life actions or events that the people they are based off of have taken part in._ **

 

_I'M SO SAD THIS IS OVER *cries in a corner* HOPEFULLY THE SEQUEL TO THIS WILL BE UP SOON AND ALSO I WILL BE POSTING A CHAPTER AFTER THIS FINAL ONE THAT WILL JUST BE RANDOM FACTS ABOUT THE WRITING PROCESS I WENT THROUGH AND COOL LITTLE SUBPLOT THINGS ECT. <3 _


	14. SEQUEL BABY

GUYS I'M GOING TO POST THE FIRST CHAPTER OF THE SEQUEL TODAY! IT WILL BE TITLED BIGGER THAN BARRINGTON AND YOU CAN FIND IT ON MY PAGE! IM SO EXCITED! ALSO THERE WILL STILL BE SHORT LITTLE FICLETS AND STUFF FOR THIS STORY SOON THANKS FOR WAITING ALL THIS TIME!


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